In the past, we at Durty Butter have posted a weekly pick'em weekly as the name of the post implies. Well you can chalk up another reason to hate Illinois football, it has taken the fun out of betting for me. Since I no longer like to wager on amateur football, it has made it difficult for me to choose games, but since I know you all love this, I am gonna give it another try. For the record, this is a horrible week to pick games. If you can find a line under 10 points, it is bound to be 2 teams you would be shocked to find out actually play football. If there is someone out there who knows enough about Louisiana Lafayette and Florida International to feel comfortable to bet on the 3 point spread, then they need a lot more help than me. I was about to say that they probably work for ESPN, but we all know that in order to work for them, all you need to know about is the Yankees, Red Sox, Lakers, Patriots, Brett Farve, Peyton Manning, Tim Tebow, and for some reason poker. Anyways, I have found some bets that seem logical.
Oregon +3 against USC
As soon as the Ducks lost to Boise State in the first game of the season and their running back LeGarrette Blount had a Vietnam flashback as he was leaving the field, everyone thought their season was over. Well now they are playing just about as well as anybody in the country. USC on the other hand has not. They have looked very average on offense and defense in wins over Notre Dame and Oregon State. Losing to Washington wasn't a shock, because that is what they always do. They also looked very average against Ohio State. Having a freshman QB and losing 42 first round draft picks on defense last year has left them a shell of team they usually are. Normally USC has more talent than anyone in the country, but instead of playing for a national championship, they shit the bed once against a terrible Pac-10 team, and then they beat the hell out of the best of the Big Ten in the Rose Bowl. Well this year, they don't have the best talent in the country, and they won't play in the Rose Bowl for 6th time in 7 seasons, because Oregon will beat them.
Playing in Autzen stadium is horrible. I played terrible when I played there, and there was about 300 people there. It's going to be raining in that game, and that helps Oregon out a ton. I think it will be close, but Oregon pulls it out by a field goal, and then the students of U of O will storm the field and smoke weed, because that is what they do their instead of riot.
Michigan State -4 @ Minnesota
Minnesota used to have a really good passing game, but this season they have been below average. If you think Juice Williams has regressed, just look at Adam Weber. Last season he threw for over 2700 yards and had 15 touchdowns and only 8 picks. This season he has 1400 yards, and 6 touchdowns with 11 interceptions. Those are Jake Delhomme numbers. Playing outdoors all the time does not agree with him.
Added on to Weber being horrible is the fact that Eric Decker, their All World receiver is injured for the rest of the year. Minnesota won't know what to do. Early in the season, they couldn't run the ball at all, and they will have to try against MSU. This won't happen of course, because MSU has a decent defense against the run. Look for them to put a lot of pressure on Weber, and look for him to make a lot of mistakes. When you are having a horrible season, the last thing that you need is to lose the only player that you are comfortable throwing to. Michigan State has been very consistent pretty much all season, and I don't expect anything to change in this game.
California -7 at Arizona State
This is a tough game to pick because Cal can look very good when Jahvid Best gets going. He ran all over Minnesota, and is still the best NFL prospect at running back. Shockingly, their QB Kevin Riley has played very well at times. He has 11 touchdowns and only 2 interceptions. Surprise Surprise!! Their 2 worst games were against Oregon and USC. If you take out those 2 games, both of these players have been amazing all year. Arizona State is about as average as you can be, especially in their last 3 games. Beating Washington and Washington State by only 14 points is like going to an all you can eat buffet and sticking to the salad bar. These are 2 teams going in different directions. ASU has Cal, USC and Oregon in the next 3 games, they didn't do well enough agaisnt the cupcakes of the Pac-10 to instill a lot of confidence. I think Cal's offense keeps up their good play against crappy teams, and I think ASU won't be able to keep up.
Indiana +17.5 at Iowa
Iowa is the luckiest team of the 2009 season. They could very easily be 4-4 instead of 8-0. They have won their 4 home games by only 16 points. That might seem like a worthless stat, until you find out that those 4 games were against Northern Iowa, Arizona, Arkansas State, and Michigan. Everyone who likes the Big Ten needs to pray that they lose 2 games, because if they get into the Rose Bowl, or heaven forbid the National Championship game, the Big Ten will be an even bigger laughing stock than it already is. There is no way this team should be a 17.5 favorite against anyone. Indiana is a bad team, and giving up a 25 point lead to Northwestern might have crushed their dreams of a bowl game, but stranger things have happened (Purdue beating the hell out of Ohio State.) Not only do I think that Indiana will cover this spread, but they might actually win this game. The beauty of college football is that normally teams that are riding a ridiculous wave of luck usually have that luck run out. At best Iowa wins by 10, because they are not an offense that puts up a ton of points.
Illinois +8.5 at home against Michigan
I'm not going to try to rationalize this one. Illinois is probably the worst all around football team I have seen in a long time. Their defense is garbage, and I have never seen such a dumb team on offense in my life. If the QB's aren't throwing interceptions, then they are fumbling. If the offensive line is not letting the defense kill their QB or running backs, then they are holding. I'm to the point where I almost want them to kneel 3 times and then punt, then we can all prey that the returner muffs the punt. Unfortunately, Jeff Cumberland will try to jump up and catch the ball before the return man can get to it.
The only reason I am picking this is because no self-respecting Illinois fan can ever bet Michigan. Trust me, I am almost out of self respect after watching this team, but my hatred for Dick Rod and every "Michigan Man" I have ever met will not let me fold. I will be dressed from head to toe in Illini gear and cheering my ass of for one more week out of spite!! If Michigan destroys us, then I am done. I will wait for the mass exodus of players that will surely occur, and probably has already started. I will watch in horror as Notre Dame and Front Butt take all of our good recruits, and I will anxiously await our first basketball game.
Everyone that watches sports knows about Tim Donaghy. He was the NBA official who was caught betting on games that he refereed, and then went to prison. Well he wrote a book, and it was supposed to be published later this month. Instead, the publisher has decided that they would scrap the book. Make no mistake about it, the NBA is probably the most powerful sports league in the States. Donaghy dished out dirt on tons of other refs, yet no one else was prosecuted, and now they killed his book. The refs themselves tried to hold out during the off-season, and they caved before the start of the season. They didn't really get much out of their hold out. Just wait until the old collective bargaining agreement runs out, because the NBA and owners are going to crush players. Bill Simmons has been writing about this for a while now, I will try to find some of his stuff and post it. Don't be surprised if you hear about Sports Guy getting beaten to death outside a Clippers game, Stern can make this happen.
More importantly, here is the link to excerpts of the book. Deadspins excerpts of Donaghy's book. I'm sure that everyone has thought that this stuff goes on, but it is amazing to actually have a first hand account of it. Make no mistake, David Stern is one of the most powerful men in all of sports. He killed the book, and he rules over the NBA with an iron fist. He manipulates games in order to make the most money possible for the NBA, its kinda sad and revealing at the same time. Hopefully more of the book comes out. Oh and by the way, Steve Javie is a piece of crap, he hated Jordan just as much as Iverson, but Jordan created the league that we watch today, so his hands were tied.
Since I can't recap an entire Illini Football game without banging my head on my keyboard for hours at a time, I am just going to throw out a few thoughts about the Illini, and a lot of other things.
- In order to get a penalty in Football don't you actually have to do what you are flagged for. Fred Sykes got a penalty for an illegal chop block, but on further review, Sykes didn't touch the player. Instead Sykes fell to the ground and the corner basically ran around him. We can't even play illegally right.
- If you are getting 2 illegal substitutions a game, should you maybe not rotate 8 receivers from play to play? And if you are going to refuse to pick-up the pace with a no huddle, why not just huddle, so you don't have those penalties?
- Even though Denver is 6-0, and Orton looks better than Cutler, I still wouldn't want Orton. I couldn't handle watching horrible offenses on both Saturday and Sunday. Call me crazy, but I don't think you are ever gonna hear the phrase "Kyle Orton; Super Bowl Champion" unless he ends his career as a back-up to a Manning. Denver still has to play Baltimore, The Giants, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, and Philadelphia. The wheels will fall off.
- Todd McShay has Arrelious Benn in his top 20, while Mel Kiper has Jon Asamoah as his 25th player drafted. Just wanted to pour some salt on your wound also. If I am going to be miserable, so are the rest of you.
- If you didn't watch the Iowa - Michigan State game, you missed an unbelievable hit. Here is the link: Iowa receiver getting crushed
- When was the last time you remember this many bad NFL teams? St. Louis, Detroit, Cleveland, Oakland, Carolina, Miami, Tampa Bay, Tennessee and Kansas City are all terrible!! They aren't just bad, they are all TERRIBLE!! As always, to make all of you feel better, the next time you hate cheering for Illinois, remember this: You could be a Tennessee Titan fan! They were 13-3 last regular season, now they are 0-6. Cleveland, Tennessee, Oakland, Detroit, St. Louis and Tampa Bay are a combined 3-37. That is amazing!!!
- There is a new Boondock Saints movie coming out soon:
- Alex Legion scored 28 points in the Orange and Blue Scrimmage this Sunday. I'm not going to get excited about him until the Big Ten schedule starts. I have seen this movie before. Klee on the Orange and Blue scrimmage
- Is there anything more frustrating than losing a fantasy football week because you left somebody on your bench, and they had a career day? If you could have predicted Miles Austin would have 2 great weeks, then my hats off to you.
- You should start every morning watching this video, it will make you want to jump out of bed and head butt the world!!
- College Basketball has instituted a rule just like the NBA. You can no longer take charges underneath the hoop, it is now a block. Guess who is pissed off about the rule? That's right, Coach K and the DOOKIES hate this rule. Now they will actually have to play defense without flopping. However, there is no painted arc in the lane like the NBA. I know we all thought it wasn't possible, but now Coach K will be whining and bitching even more. I have watched probably hundreds of Duke games, and for the life of me, I can't remember seeing him ever get a Technical Foul. Just something to think about, and for the record, it is a great rule, but not having the area marked off is going to drive everyone crazy. They will paint it on by next season. Coach K already working the refs
- Man am I glad that I went to the Rose Bowl. It was one of the greatest trips of my life, and it looks like I won't be going back anytime soon.
- For all of those people think that Jacob Charest looked good on Saturday, it has been a long time since you have seen good football. He was 4-8, and 3 of his incomplete passes should have been intercepted, including his first pass. He had one good drive that wasn't killed by his offensive line. They waited until Juice came in and handed off for a touchdown before they screwed up. And the reason that Juice came in was because Charest hadn't run any of the goalline plays since training camp.
- Ron Zook still has a chance to get fired this season. 1-11 will get him fired, write it down.
- I think that Illinois will miss Chester Frazier more than anyone would have ever imagined. We still don't have any proven scorers (Demitri McCamey could possibly be this player), and the only thing that kept us in games last season was tenacious defense. If we shoot cold for a while, Illinois could be in trouble in some road games during Big Ten play this season. They lost 4 of their last 5 games last season, including 2-3 without Frazier.
- When Pam Ward knows more about football than the other guy in the booth, it is time to go shopping for another Color Commentator. This is what the jackass during the Illinois game said verbatim: "Trying to help him out(Charest) and that is one thing that Coach Zook has said; that Juice is all about trying to win, and he wants to help the other guys. He helped Eddie McGee the week that he drew the start. But I tend to wonder myself are you too willing to help someone else, and is that showing that you don't want to be out there. Is your confidence that shot, that you just as soon watch somebody else do it and help them? I don't know the answer, only Juice does." I know the answer you idiot. You have no god damn clue what the hell you are talking about and you should be selling used cars to soccer moms somewhere.
So this moron thinks that Juice should pout, and ignore all the other players on the team because his feelings are hurt!! This is the antithesis of everything that we as a culture know about team sports. How are people like this employed in a workplace that I would kill for?? Shit like this keeps me awake at night, no bullshit! It was Ray Bentley, so if he is doing a game you are watching, you are better off muting it.
- Semi-Pro was a horrible movie. The first time I saw it, I didn't think it was that bad, but good God it is terrible on the re-watch. I think Will Ferrell is pretty much done.
- Hard Knocks is amazing every year, and Two-A-Days was probably the greatest show ever put on MTV. Everyone tells me the Friday Night Lights is one of the best shows on television, so shouldn't a channel like ESPN basically do a Two-A-Days rip off every year and follow around different high school team? Or maybe I am the only person who is tired of watching repeat episodes of Poker on ESPN2.
Thats all for today, back with more before Illinois' first exhibition basketball game on Friday.
It was brought to my attention that I left off one person from the list who should never have been left off. That man: Denzel Washington
This is why we at Durty Butter like feedback from our readers. Anyways, Denzel should be on the top of this list based solely for his roles in American Gangster, Man on Fire, and Training Day. So I apologize to Mr. Washington and also Youngblood for making this mistake.
Last weekend I had the pleasure of enjoying a few Bud Selects at Trace with the crew. The Crew consists of Sha Boi, Scheffki, myself, and whichever bartender has the honor of over serving us on that particular night (On this night Mike was bestowed that honor). While drinking the tasty beers, the topic of conversation usually goes in many directions. First we usually start discussing whatever sport is on television, and then discuss whichever team that we follow of that particular sport, and how they are taking away our will to live. Next we move on to music. This is usually done for 2 reasons: 1) The song that is playing is really good, and we want to know who is responsible for such a treat or 2) The song is terrible, seems like it will never end, and so we bash the singer unmercifully. Inevitably the conversation will roll around to something that we have either witnessed on TV, or are looking forward to seeing in the theatre. This week the conversation evolved into this great question: What ever happened to the "Man's Man"?
I'm sure that most of you know what I am talking about. It was actually a recurring theme in the Saprano's. Tony always asked his therapist what ever happened to Gary Cooper, the strong silent type. Now I have no damn clue who Gary Cooper was, but I know the mold. The examples that automatically pop into my head are Clint Eastwood, Frank Sinatra, Jack Nicholson, Mohammed Ali and so on. The example that was given to me when we started talking about this was Robert Mitchum. Again, I have really no clue who he is, but I'm pretty sure that if I lived while he did, I would say that he is a guy I would love to have a beer with. The problem that we now face as a society is that all of the "Man's Men" are either dead or about to be. You know who are "Man's Men" right now? The "Most Interesting Man In the World" from those Dos Equis commercials and Don Draper from Mad Men. Neither of them are real people, what the hell is going on?
Now before we delve into the question above, we need to lay out some ground rules for what makes a "Man's Man". The only caveat for being a "Man's Man" was that he was American born. 1)Guys want to be him, Ladies want to be with him. This phrase was coined to describe the "Man's Man", so it is only fitting that it is the first rule
2) He must appeal to men of all ages and backgrounds Whether you were old or young, rich or poor, from what I am told, you loved Clint Eastwood back in the day. Hell you still love him. A "Man's Man" is loved by all.
3) He seems unflappable. In any situation he is as cool as a cold beer on a hot summer day By this I mean whenever you see him, whether in a movie, interview, or taking a leak, it seems like he is impervious to the outside world. It is his world, and the rest of us are just living in it.
4) As he gets older, his legend only grows. He doesn't look back, instead he evolves Longevity is what ever person strives for in everything they do. We want to live longer, party later, eat more, have relations longer. Almost everyone looks at their past longingly wishing that it had lasted longer. Whether it be being a child, being in High School, College, or the time after college and before you got married and your children grew up and ruined your life. A "Man's Man" is always in the moment.
5) Somehow they have left there mark on pretty much everyone in a certain generation This person has had such an impact on an entire generation or longer that they transcend age. A 25 year old can have a conversation about this person with a 65 year old and neither person will miss a beat. Both have the exact same opinion about them. Here is an example: If I try to have a conversation with my dad about how cool I think Josh Duhamel is, he will first ask me who that is, and then tell me to get him another scotch on the rocks as he flips through the channels. If I mention Ali or Eastwood, we can talk for hours until my mom yells at us for drinking too much and tells us to turn the TV off and go to bed because it is 2 in the morning.
So who are some people from our recent past that had a shot to be in this illustrious group? Well here is a list of them from the 80's and 90's.
1) Mel Gibson
I know what you are all thinking. Mel Gibson can't be on the list because he is Australian!!! Well here is a fun fact kids: Mel Gibson was born in New York!! That's right, he was ours first dammit!!! Anyways, here is his "Man's Man" resume:
1) Lethal Weapons - Even if 3 and 4 sucked, 1 and 2 were so good that he is forgiven for the rest. Plus Gary Busey was a bad guy in the first one 2) Braveheart - One of the best movies ever... Period 3) The Patriot and We Were Soldiers - Not fantastic movies, but they were still solid, and Mel was a bad ass in them 4) He is funny as hell - Anyone who has the balls to call a female police officer "Sugar Tits" has to have a hell of a sense of humor. He was always great during interviews. 5) Loves to drink and Smoke - Not sure if he still smokes, but he obviously still drinks. Always seemed cool doing it.
2) Harrison Ford
The man who made Archeology cool, Harrison Ford wasn't always the Bad Ass, but he was always smooth and cool. Here is his resume:
1) He was born in Chicago, automatically makes him cool as shit. 2) He is Han Solo. Not only was he pretty much the only Bad Ass guy in Star Wars besides Yoda, he wore a really homo-erotic costume in the movie, and no one seemed to care. You can't underestimate how Manly this is. 3) He is Indiana Jones. The only redeeming quality about Indiana is Harrison Ford. The Indiana state flag should just have a picture of Harrison Ford, their Capitol should be renamed Harrison, and everyone should have to drive a Ford. Not only would this help jump start the economy, it would also make Indiana less of a crap-hole 4) Blade Runner is cool as hell. If you haven't seen it watch it. 5) Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger, Air Force One, and the Fugitive. From 1989 to 1997 Harrison did not make a bad movie. That is a hell of a streak. 6) The Intense Face:
7) He has dated Carrie Fischer, Daryl Hannah, Lara Flynn Boyle, Minnie Driver, and Calista Flockheart. Not a bad stretch.
We just need a better comeback from Ford, because the last Indiana Jones movie made me want to poke my eyes out. Watch the South Park episode about it. Classic
3) Eddie Murphy
Eddie had it all going for him in the 80's. He was cool as hell, funny and smooth. He if anybody could have pulled off all of the rules that we stated above, yet he missed. His Resume:
1) SNL - He was a star from the get go. Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood, Stevie Wonder, Gumby, Buckwheat, the list goes on and on. 2) His Standup - His standup comedy is immortal, but more importantly, no one in the world could have pulled of the outfits that he wore in Raw and Delirious. Try and name one other person who you could take seriously wearing a purple leather jumpsuit. I dare you! 3) Beverly Hills Cop and 48 Hours - All of these movies proved that he could not only be funny, but also be cool as hell doing it. 4) His Laugh - Sure you would mock it, but it was part of his persona. How many people nowadays can take something like that and make it bankable? 5) His wife - She was probably one of the All-Time greatest looking women that you have never seen before.
The problem with Eddie was that he just started making bad movies. Plan and simple.
4) Robert DeNiro
If anyone could pull of the Gary Cooper mold of the strong silent type, it is DeNiro. He also fits the role of a new era Sinatra perfectly, except I imagine he can't sing for shit. Every time you look at the man, you can't help but be a little apprehensive. He has that look that makes you not want to say something stupid to him and look like a fool. His Resume:
1) His Movies - Although he plays the Italian mobster probably better than anyone ever could, it is his other roles that I absolutely love. Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, Cape Fear, these are the movies that make you realize that he is 100% Bad Ass!! 2) His Aura - The SNL skit where him and Joe Pesci come on and beat up the guys who are playing them on the show is fantastic, and it is not far fetched. What are the odds that if SNL hadn't come to them and said "Hey, wouldn't it be great if you guys came on and beat the hell out of Jim Brewer for a while?" that Pesci and DeNiro wouldn't have just come on the show anyways and probably really beat the hell out of Jim Brewer? I'm guessing pretty damn good. 3) His Image - Based purely on seeing him act and his personality here are a few things that I assume: He can win a Bar Fight. He can throw a football and baseball. He hates being made fun of. No woman has ever turned him down. He is probably a great shot with a gun. Now are any of these things true? Probably not, he probably throws like a 6 year old girl, and can't take a punch, but it doesn't matter. Until I see him throw like a girl, I will believe that he has a Nolan Ryan fastball.
Just like Murphy, he started doing crappy movies. He could very easily evolve into an Eastwood though, and we will all forget about Showtime and Righteous Kill.
DeNiro on SNL. Fast forward to the 6 minute mark if you are like me and can't stand Jim Brewer.
Now that we have done away with the past, let's look ahead and see who could become our generations "Man's Man". Here is my short list:
1) Ed Norton
He is the perfect candidate. Not only does he seem like the strong, silent type, he proved to everyone that he is not a Sissy with American History X. That movie scared me right down to the bottom of my soul. He isn't overly good looking, but he can still pull some amazing tail. His Resume:
1) Acting - The only bad movie on his resume was Keeping the Faith. Beyond that, he has been pretty much perfect. When you do Rounders, American History X, and Fight Club back to back to back, you aren't lucky, you are an amazing actor 2) Salma Hayek - That's right folks, he was the one who was dating Salma Hayek when she was in her prime. Not a ton of people know that. Now if I was dating Salma Hayek, I would make sure that every person from here to Zimbabwe knew about it. But not Eddie, he could care less if people knew about it, and that my friends is Bad Ass!! 3) His Appearance - Ed looks like an accountant, yet he can pull of playing a white supremest on the cream and the clear, and date arguably one of the most gorgeous women of our era? That tells you that either he is really good at being a human being, or he has actually mastered the skills of a Jedi. Nothing about him screams "Look at Me!!" yet dammit, I really want to be him!!
2) Leo DiCaprio
Lucky Leo pretty much has it all. Great actor, good looking, and goes through supermodels like us Indians go through razor blades. The beauty of him, just like Norton is that you never really hear about them or see them. They show up every once and a while at a sporting event, and make you think "Damn I would love to be him for one day". He is not in your face at all. He hasn't had a defining moment in his career or life yet. Unlike Ed Norton, he doesn't have an American History X that everyone will remember him for. What he has is Titanic, and that might keep him from the list, John Wayne never screamed "I'm the king of the world" at the front of a ship. If he does get that moment, than you can put him on the big board with the greats. His resume:
1) Movies - Just ridiculous the run that Leo had: Gangs of New York, Catch Me If You Can, The Aviator, The Departed, Blood Diamond, and Body of Lies. All in a row. 2) The Women - I can't even name them all, so here is the link if you are interested. To name a few: Liv Tyler, Alicia Silverstone, Amber Valletta, Carmen Electra, Gisele, Heather Gramah and Bar Refaeli. If you don't know some of the people I have just named, I suggest you take some personal time and google them!! 3) Growing Pains - This might be a dumb reason, but I love the fact that he was on a TV show that I loved as a kid. He has really been a part of our lives for almost 3 decades now. Plus after seeing washed up child actor after washed up child actor, it kinda makes you appreciate him more.
3) Michael Jordan
Call me a homer if you want, I don't give a damn. Michael Jordan is a candidate for a "Man's Man" and you know it. Was there anyone else that you would have rather been when Michael was in his prime? I didn't think so, so shut up and keep reading. His Resume:
1) Sports - Not only was he the greatest basketball player of all-time, but he also decided that he would try to be a professional athlete in a sport that he hadn't played since high school!! Maybe he sucked at it, but he was still athletic enough to last hit 3 home runs, and have 51 RBI's in the minors. 2) Gambling - The only thing that Michael may have loved more than beating the hell out of people in sports was gambling. He was in Atlantic City the night before playing a playoff game against the Knicks in 1993 and is rumored to have lost 1.25 million dollars while playing a round of golf. 3) Hall of Fame - Say what you will about accepting the honor of going into the hall of fame with grace and humility, Jordan built the NBA and basketball into what it is. Also he played the game with grace and humility, so if he wants to take a couple jabs at Byron Russell, who gives a shit? The man has balls, and he doesn't care about what people think of him. He knows he is the greatest.
We just need to see what Michael will do next. Obviously being a part owner and GM of the Bobcats isn't really working out well. I want to see Michael join the Senior PGA in 10 years and dominate. Barring a complete meltdown in the next 5 years, Michael is a shoe-in
I'm going to lump the next 3 people together because I think they are almost the exact same.
4) Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, and George Clooney
All three have had great careers as far as actors go. And all three bring something different to the argument, but all three are also lacking in a lot of areas. Pitt will always be a pretty boy. That is how he became famous, and really what he will always be known for. Depp is half crazy which is cool, but he lacks that edge that makes him a Bad Ass. Being artistically eccentric is not really being "Manly" eccentric, I think we all know the difference. Clooney I feel is trying to hard to be a "Manly' man. It's kinda like how Kobe Bryant studied everything that Michael Jordan ever did and mimicked everything right down to the way he talks. Well I feel like Clooney is trying to be a member of the Rat Pack by trying to every one of them.
Sleeper "Man's Man":
Jamie Foxx
Not only did he start off as one of the funniest people on "In Living Color", but he has also turned into a really good actor. He is the current heir to the throne of Eddie Murphy in the "Man's Man" heirarchy. Does he have what it takes? I believe he could. His Resume:
1) Funny - Sure he had some misses with Booty Call and Bait, but he still has a lot of charisma, and is evolving. His standup is good, but not great, however on "In Living Color" he was fantastic.
2) Acting - He has had some great roles lately, and seems to be getting better. I wasn't a huge fan of Any Given Sunday, but you have to love "Steamin" Willie Beamin. He was fantastic in Ray, and also in Ali and Collateral. All three of thosee were solid movies, and he played the roles he had perfectly.
3) Balls - You wanna know what is crazy? Stepping into the ring with Mike Tyson when he was in his prime. You wanna know what is crazier than that? Doing an impression of Mike Tyson while he is in his prime and WHILE HE IS IN THE AUDIENCE!! Jamie did this, gotta love it.
4) Partying - It is a well documented fact that Jamie Foxx's house is like the Playboy Mansion without the tackiness and the corpses walking around in smoking jackets.
5) Interviews - He is one of the top 5 best people to be on a late night talk show. If you ever see that he is going to be on Conan or Letterman, Tivo it because it is going to be hilarious.
Foxx has already made the jump that Eddie Murphy hasn't made yet, he just needs the one really amazing moment to cement him in the "Man's Man" conversation. I for one feel that we need a few new "Man's Men", but I'm not about to go grasping at the first person I see. We need someone to take us away from the reality TV shows, and stop us from listening to Cold Play and John Mayer. We need someone to remind us that women are the ones who get manicures, pedicures, waxed, and their eyebrows done. Dammit we need mustaches and chest hair again, so I want you to join me in a quest to find a new "Man's Man"!
So there it is. Please feel free to e-mail us at durtybutter@gmail.com or comment below if there is anyone you think I left out or somebody that should not be on the list.
I missed the game this weekend thank god, but that doesn't mean that I didn't watch the game again. People tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen, I had to see the carnage with my own 2 eyes. To be honest I have never seen a team like this Illini team. It is a horrible combination of bad coaching, bad decisions, and terrible luck. Usually during a loss of any team that I follow, I have a couple of questions that I want answered (none of them can be of course).
1) How is it possible to let Indiana score 10 points in 55 seconds without there being a turnover involved? 2) How can you score a touchdown, and then get a fumble on the kickoff to get the ball back, and not score in the red zone? 3) How can you be a fourth year starter at QB in a spread offense and fumble at the 5 yard line? 4) How do you get a stop on 3rd down and then have a 5 yard punt hit your defensive tackle for a fumble? 5) How do you go down 20 points with 10 minutes left, and then have a drive that eats up 6 minutes to cut the lead to 13? 6) How do you finally make a good catch this season and then get an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty to take you out of field goal range? 7) How do you get the ball back into the Red Zone with about 1 minute left, and not try to score or use the 2 timeouts left so that maybe you can try an onside kick and maybe salvage your team's season, and also your career? 8) How do you actually allow your defense to finally play tight on receivers, and then drop 2 easy interceptions?
I have never in my long life of watching sports seen a coach literally give up on his team like Zook and company did with the Illini on Saturday. It was absolutely disgusting. I can handle the losing, I really can. I have witnessed so many Illinois Football losses since 1999 when I first attended an Illini game, that I have become numb to the disappointment. Getting excited about Illini basketball in the middle October is just like getting excited about Christmas after Thanksgiving for an Illini fan. We are all used to it. However I have never in the last 10 years witnessed a coach give up during a game. I hope all of you realize that this is what happened. There is no other explanation for what happened at the end of the game. Ron Zook took off his headset with over 30 seconds left, when the team that he is the leader of was still trying to score. You could tell that Zook realized at that moment that it was all over for him. Here is what killed me about this:
Jack Ramsey caught a ball at the 4 yard line with 20 seconds left. Instead of using one of the 2 timeouts left to stop the clock and throw in the end zone a couple of times, Illinois walks up to the line of scrimmage and then runs a zone read option, and Juice gets tackled outside of the end zone.
I understand that the odds of Illinois scoring a touchdown, getting the on-side kick, and then completing a hail mary to win the game are about 1 in a 1,000,000,000,000, but to not even try is absolutely disgusting!!! Every person who is attached to the Illini, whether they are players, fans, alumni, parents, whatever, deserve better.
There are a lot of programs out there that have fans and alumni who have this unwarranted sense of entitlement. For some reason, they feel that they are owed a winning program because they spent 4 years drinking beer and occasionally going to class at that institution. They feel that because they donate a few hundred or few thousand dollars to the athletic department, that they should win a national championship every year, and if that does not happen, they should be allowed to scream at the top of their lungs to get the coach fired. Illini Nation is not this type of fanbase. The delusional idiots that propagate these other rabid fanbases are the exception at Illinois, not the rule.
This is why I am so disheartened with what occurred Saturday night in Bloomington. All that I ask as an Illini fan is that we compete for 60 minutes. I want a team that no matter how bleak the outcome might seem, they will not give up. That is what I feel entitled to. That is why I chose to watch the game after I already knew we just lost probably the worst game in the Ron Zook era. So what happens now? I really am not interested to see how the players respond to this loss, or the last 4 losses for that matter. I really want to see how Zook responds.
I know pretty much everyone wants Ron Zook fired at this point, and I can only come up with one argument as to why he shouldn't be fired. Ron Zook is the best recruiter in the nation. Now follow along here because this is not an idea that can be easily accepted.
Illinois is a horrible program. It has been for as long as anyone can remember. No one can come in here and recruit players like Ron Zook can. Why do you think there was such an uproar when Arrelious Benn and Martez Wilson committed to the Illini? Everyone in the country accused Zook of paying off his recruits. How else could he land 2 Blue Chip recruits at Illinois? Illinois is not USC, Notre Dame, or Florida. Hell we aren't even Iowa. High School kids do not want to come here to play. Rashard Mendenhall was the best recruit that Ron Turner ever got, the list that Zook has gotten is star studded. If we lose Ron Zook, then we lose the pipelines to Florida, Washington D.C., and also even Ohio. Sure he had a great recruiter in Mike Locksley, and has a great recruiter in Reggie Mitchell, but make no mistake, Ron Zook is the Mariano Rivera of recruiting, he is a hall of fame closer.
What needs to happen at Illinois is all of the assistant coaches accept for Mitchell need to go. The two headed monster of Dan Disch and Curt Mallory at defensive coordinator is a bad experiment that keeps getting worse. I have already voiced my opinion on Schultz at offensive coordinator, and it is safe to say that the only coach who has done a worse job than Schultz is the offensive line coach.
Now getting rid of the assistants is only the first step. The most important thing to understand about Zook is that from all reports, he is a micro-manager. He needs to be told that if he wants to still be a coach, he needs to change his system, and allow his coordinators to have room to operate their system. What is more important than getting rid of the assistants is to hire a defensive coordinator who is accustomed to game planning against spread offenses. 3 years ago, there were only a handful of teams in the Big Ten who ran a spread offense. Now the only teams that don't run some type of spread are Iowa, Wisconsin and Michigan State. It has been said that Mallory and Disch are running the system that Ron wants, Zook needs to step back and realize that his philosophy on defense is completely flawed. How else do you explain how many quarterbacks and receivers have career bests against Illinois? If he hires an aggressive coordinator and accepts the fact that you need to put pressure on receivers and QB's to force them to make mistakes, then the defense can be salvaged.
If he wants to keep Schultz, that is fine, but he needs to realize in a god damn hurry that the Big Ten is not the Mountain West. Sure every year you might have a good team like Utah, but every week is a dog fight in the Big Ten. There aren't too many Wyomings, San Diego States, or New Mexicos on your conference schedule. And obviously 6 months was not enough time for him to learn what his offensive personnel was good at, so hopefully another year might help. Schultz was made for the Big Ten 10 years ago. 3 yards and a cloud of dust is over, and the sooner that Schultz realizes that, the better.
The only problem I see with firing Zook now is that there aren't too many people who will want this job. Sure Illinois just built a great new weight room and the facilities and resources are good, but with all of the jobs that open up in the SEC, ACC and Big 12 every year, I don't think Illinois is as attractive as most people believe. Coaches like Brian Kelly, and Mike Peterson aren't about to leave Cincinnati or Boise State for the likes of Illinois. For better, or more than likely worse, I think Illinois is stuck with Ron Zook.
The Weekly pick'em was a main stay of Durty Butter last year, and I know a lot of you made a lot of money off of me. I get thousands of e-mails a day asking for my help again, so here it is. The Durty Butter Weekly pick'em is back and better than ever. Part of the reason that I haven't had a pick'em yet was because I needed a week where I thought that Illinois could cover. Well folks we finally have it. Before we get to the picks though, I have a few things that I would like to get off of my chest.
1) I have already talked at great length about how baseball is the dumbest sport in the world right? Well if you haven't heard my reasons, I'll go over a couple of them for you real fast. First, you have 2 different leagues that have separate rules. How damn dumb is that? There is no set rules for baseball. Second, the field of play is different. How the hell can you compare records, wins/loses, and batting stats when in one park you only have to hit the ball 320 feet down the line for a home run, or another one all you have to do is pull the ball to left field 250 feet and bounce the thing of a big frickin wall??? They might as well also be able to move the pitchers mounds too. The next point is based more on stupidity than anything. In April, it is generally still pretty damn cold in the northern part of the country and also rainy, yet in 3 weeks it will warm up and be sunshine and happiness all around. Even animals know this. It is inborn in them to move south until the weather warms up. Yet the MLB in the infinite stupidity will still schedule games in the northern part of the country for the first 2 weeks, and they are either rained out, or are so god damn cold that people feel like they are at a Bears game.
You know why people can stand cold weather at a football game, but not at a baseball game? Because baseball is boring as shit!!! Are you gonna stand up and cheer for every ground out to 2nd? Hell no. However at a football game, there are things to stand up and cheer for on pretty much every play. A sack, a big hit, 3rd down, a run over 5 yards, a pass that is over 20 yards, and every score and consequent kickoff, cheerleaders, a punt return of more than 10 yards, 4th down and either team is going for it, hot chicks dancing. Baseball you stand up when the guy next to you has to go take a leak because he just pounded his 17th Old Style.
I bring this up because right now I am watching a playoff game that started at 3 o'clock in the afternoon on a Friday! WHAT?? There are only 2 series going on right now. How the hell can you not schedule this for after 5? If this was the Cubs, or Sox, or Cardinals I would probably want to watch it because I have a vested interest in those teams, but screw you MLB, I'm not going to leave work or school 2 hours early for some horseshit game with 2 teams I don't care about because you are that conceited!! It's Friday night, people can stay up late to watch baseball. You have no problem having a 9:30 P.M. Central start on a god damn Tuesday night when the Cubs or Cards are in San Diego, forcing all of us that don't live in the hell hole known as California to stay up until 2 A.M. for a meaningless game. Yet for the Division series, you start it at 3 P.M. Central?? Does no one west of the Mississippi River work past noon on Fridays? Have we adopted the European tradition of a Siesta during the afternoon, and nobody remembered to tell the Midwest and East Coast? You couldn't start one of these games at 5 P.M. and then have the next one at 8 P.M.? Oh no, you couldn't do that because your games take for god damn ever to play!!! I'm actually surprised that this game didn't start at noon for fear that it might overlap with 8 P.M. start of the Yankees game. Screw you baseball!!!
One final thought. Every day when I turn on the TV, there is some type of NASCAR on. I thought that people who sat around for hours at a time and watched cars drive in circles over and over where absolutely batshit crazy. However I have found a group that has to be clinically insane...... People who watch the Time Trials!!!! At least when you are watching races, there are other cars around, and they are.. well... racing. But the people who are watching the Time Trials, holy crap!!! These people need to be in a padded room with a facemask on so they don't try and eat the door knob off. They literally watch a car drive in circles. That's it. And they watch a clock to see if that car did it faster than another car, because the other car already drove in circles by itself. ONE...............CAR.............AT..............A.............TIME!!! Absolutely blew my mind!!
On to my picks
OHIO STATE (-14) @ PURDUE
Ohio State like every year has a phenomenal defense. They have 2 pretty good running backs, and have a QB who can beat you with his legs and his arm. Terrell Pryor has digressed a little bit in passing this season, but that doesn't really matter too much because the rest of the team around him is solid. The only problem that OSU has had is really putting up huge numbers on Offense, but playing Purdue should change that. Now the 2 big time opponents that Purdue has played, they have actually had a shot to beat in Oregon and Notre Dame. The common factor with both those teams is that their defense was crap. If Purdue scores more than 2 touchdowns I will be shocked. Purdue hasn't been able to stop anyone, and Ohio State is going to run the ball down their throats. Just a little background. Ohio State shut out Illinois and Toledo (Toledo Crushed Colorado and dropped 31 on Purdue) and only gave up 18 to USC. Also last week Ohio State was a 14 point favorite against Undefeated Wisconsin and covered that spread easily. Purdue is not Wisconsin.
USC (-10) @ NOTRE DAME
Notre Dame is not good. You have obviously heard all of the talk about the great comeback wins that they have had, and how Front Butt is finally turning this program around and blah blah blah. They have given up 30 points in 3 of their last 4 games, and none of those teams were ranked. Only Michigan State was really any good. USC has the best defense in football. This is not Purdue, Jimmy Clausen is not going to be everyones dark horse Heisman Candidate after this one. Washington pulled off the one PAC-10 upset that always happens every year to USC by winning 16-13. Ohio State managed 15 points against USC in a loss. Other than that USC has given up 4 field goals in 3 games. Notre Dame will rush for less than 50 yards, and Golden Boy Jimmy is gonna be scraped up off the turf a lot. The only thing that could possibly change this is if USC takes Notre Dame lightly, but that won't happen. Every year Pete Carroll and USC takes one team lightly, they lose, and then they run the score up on everyone else to try to get back into the National Championship. This is the year that it could actually happen, because Florida, Alabama, and Texas are the only legitimate teams that could go undefeated, but UF and Bama have to play each other. USC will look to get a good win on their resume, and even though Notre Dame isn't a good team, everyone treats them like a BCS bowl team, so USC will use that.
IOWA (+3) @ Wisconsin
Iowa has played great against good teams, and has let bad teams stay close to them. A shocking fact, Iowa's best games have come on the road, in wins at Iowa State and Penn State. Iowa is great against the run as always, and Wisconsin relies on the run way too much as always. Nothing that Wisconsin has done has impressed me. After watching Michigan State beat Illinois I realized that MSU is a very sloppy team. They should have destroyed Illinois after Zook gave them a 2 quarter head start. So beating them at home is not that great of a feat. Wisconsin should not be favored in this game at all. If you are looking for a game to tease, take Iowa +9. If Iowa somehow manages to lose this, it will be by less than 3, let alone 9. This should be a classic Big Ten football game. I don't see either team moving the ball very much, and it will come down to the defenses, and Iowa's is much better than Wisconsin's.
TEXAS (-3) vs. OKLAHOMA
The Red River Shootout!!! I love this game. I hate both teams, but I love watching this game. Defenses be damned, these games are legitimate shootouts!! Not so much that the score is always high because its not, it's just the atmosphere. Oklahoma has gotten the best of Texas winning 6 of the last 9. Last year, Texas beat Oklahoma, but still got screwed out of the National Championship game by a crazy tie-break system. Oklahoma has lost much more talent from last year than Texas has, and Sam Bradford did not look great coming off his injury last week, and by great I mean he is nowhere near where he was last season when he won the Heisman. Oklahoma went from a National Champion contender to having 2 losses already. You can't put those losses on losing Bradford, because if this team was as good as it was supposed to be, they should have found a way to beat BYU and Miami. They did lose by 2 points, but they still didn't win. Texas hasn't looked great either, but they still have more talent, and they control their own destiny for a National Championship. Bradford and Tebow have gotten there, the only one that hasn't is McCoy. This year is tailor made for Texas to run the table and make it. I don't see them screwing it up now. Also just for fun, watch Jordan Shipley. He is the most exciting white receiver in the NCAA since Larry Fitzgerald. (I know Larry Fitzgerald is black, but that is the whitest name ever).
ILLINOIS (-3) @ INDIANA
I am picking this for a number of reasons. First I hate the entire state of Indiana. It is a hell hole that has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If you are from Indiana and I have offended you, GOOD, you should take offense, and feel free to stop reading my blog, I could care less. Second, my hatred for Indiana basketball will 1) never die and 2) has now spilled over to football. Next, if we lose to Indiana, I might stop watching college football all together, and I really don't want to do that because I love college football. And finally when it comes to actual football: It doesn't matter how horrible our coaching is, and it doesn't really matter how many dumb mistakes we make, Indiana is just a dogshit football team, and we are more talented. Illinois has lost to Mizzou who was ranked, Ohio State who is ranked, Penn State who is ranked, and Michigan State who is a decent football team. Indiana beat Eastern Kentucky by 6, Western Michigan by 4, and Akron by 17. They should have beat a bad Michigan team, but instead shit the bed at the end of that game, and then got crushed by Virginia this last weekend, and Ohio State the weekend before. For the record the only BCS conference team that has been worse than Indiana in the recent past is Virginia!! They have 2 good defensive ends, and that's it.
I have always had the strategy that you should never bet a game based on how bad an opponent is, but instead on how good you think your team is. Well, screw that, because both of these teams are garbage. The only thing about this game, is that in the mind of the Illini football team, this game means much more. Illinois needs this win to get their season back on track. If they want to make a bowl game (they won't), they need to beat up on Indiana, Purdue and Northwestern. Also if Ron Zook doesn't think that this game will determine his future at Illinois, all he has to do is sit back and watch the fallout on Sunday if they blow this game.
Illinois spent a lot of money to redo Memorial Stadium, and if they think that people will come out to support a team that didn't make a bowl game 2 years in a row and had losses to the likes of Indiana the previous season, they also need to be in a padded room. No Juice Williams and no Arrelious Benn, the recruits that have committed are wavering, what is there to excite people for next season? Eddie McGee? We already played that hand, and we lost our ass. Make no mistake, anything short of a blowout for Illinois is detrimental to this team. This is the biggest game that Ron Zook has coached at Illinois, and he better know that.
Enough ranting, raving, and bitching. Now that the Illini are 1-4 and the season outlook seems really bleak. After listening to podcasts, and reading message boards and newspaper articles, it seems like everyone has a different person to blame for why Illinois is losing. I also have plenty of people to blame, but instead of doing just that, we at Durty Butter are going to tell you exactly what Illinois needs to do in order to maybe finish 6-6 and make a horrible bowl game.
1) Let Juice throw the ball/play.
Juice can't throw 5 yard outs, and he can't really throw bubble screens. In order for the Illini offense to be good, we need to have crossing routes and deeper routes where Juice is forced to either fire the ball in, or put a little touch on the ball. Juice's arm strength does not allow him to throw the ball with any touch inside of 10 yards. Beyond 10 yards, he has good touch, he makes great throws down the sidelines, its just that Fayson and Cumberland haven't been able to catch them. We have all seen the great throws that Juice has made in his 3+ years. If you don't agree, then you are an idiot and should start hitting yourself in the head with a tack hammer because your brain is useless anyways. Where Juice gets in trouble is short timing routes that make him lock on to a receiver. Eliminate those, and Isiah can be a solid QB. Eddie McGee should only enter the game if Juice is hurt. And by hurt I mean that both of his arms are broken. I have been a Ron Zook apologist for the last 5 seasons, but last week I couldn't take it anymore. Feel free to go back and read my post about how terrible Eddie was going to be. I really love to say "I told you so", so Will, I told you so. If anyone still has any doubts about Ron Zook's coaching ability, you need to look no further than the fact that he has yet to say that Juice is starting this week. Both players are taking equal snaps in practice!! I am appalled, and if Eddie starts, or heaven forbid, even plays, I will never forgive Zook. Not making a bowl last season was bad enough, but becoming the BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL is unforgivable. Which brings me to my next point.
2) Zook needs to swallow his pride a little bit
First example is the Eddie McGee fiasco. By benching Juice, Zook basically gave the Spartans a 2 quarter and 24 point head start. And according to him, it wasn't the fact that Eddie went 2-11 with a pick 6 and 60 yards of offense that led to him getting benched. No, it was the look on his face after the interception. Screw his look!!! Are you out of your god damn mind?! You have 60,000 people in the stadium, and thousands more at home that want to see the team win a god damn game, or at least compete in one!! Zook would rather see his players look like they are trying to perform, rather than perform. I for one am not going to pay 50 bucks to drive down to Champaign to watch this shit anymore, and there are a lot of other people who have joined me.
Second example is the defense. Zook will not allow his secondary to play tight on people until the game gets out of hand, and we know that the team plans on running the ball for 2 quarters. Zook isn't a god damn mind reader, and I have news for you, neither is Urban Meyer, Mack Brown, or Pete Carroll. You don't win a damn football game with the game plan you came up with on Monday morning!! Ohio State threw the ball 2 times in the first half of a down pour, yet Zook would not put 8 people in the box to stop the run. Mizzou never wanted to throw the ball past 10 yards, yet Zook didn't want to tighten his coverage. Penn State was content to run the ball, and also throw less than 10 yards, and Zook neither placed a safety in the box, or brought up his corners. How hard is it to try and take away what the other teams offense wants to do and make them change their gameplan?
The last example is Mike Schultz. Zook obviously does not want to admit that allowing Schultz to change the philosophy of the offense was a mistake, and that Schultz needs to adjust his play-calling in order to adapt to his players. After the first damn game every Illini fan saw the flaw in Schultz play-calling!!! We threw one pass over 20 yards when the strength of our offense was our receivers and a QB who can throw it deep. Yet now 5 games into the season, we still don't open up the playbook until the middle of the 3rd quarter when we are down by 3 touchdowns.
3) We need to pick up the pace on offense
I find it really humorous how the last 10 or so games that we have played, when Juice is getting drilled in the backfield or basically running for his life on every other play people don't really seem to care. However, all it takes is 2 quarters of Eddie McGee looking like shit and people are starting to realize that our offensive line is crap. You know why our line was good 3 years ago? It really didn't have a ton to do with the talent, it had a lot to do with the tempo that we ran our offense. Locksley loved to hurry up after a big pass or long run, it was his calling card. By doing this you catch everyone on the defense off guard, but especially the lineman. Here are 5 things that happen when you run a hurry up, or no-huddle when the other team doesn't expect it.
1) You don't allow the other team to substitute. Either they have to keep the same people on the field or call a timeout. Who does this hurt the most? The big ass defensive lineman. 2) The defensive lineman don't stunt at all. Basically all 4 of the them are coming straight at the offensive line, there are no tricks or surprises. 3) The defense can't call a blitz. If a blitz does come, it is very vanilla in the fact that it is usually just a linebacker. 4) You know exactly what personnel is on the field. If the team is set in a nickel, you can run the hell out of the ball, if they have a 4-3, you can assume that they will either be in man coverage, or 2 linebackers will be dropping out into a zone coverage. 5) Your team is reacting instead of thinking. You will limit the amount of dumbshit false starts and holding penalties that our O-Line loves to get because their assignments are basic.
You want to know why we could move the ball so well last season, but got bogged down inside the 20? It was because we could move when ever we wanted when we picked up the pace, but inside the 20 we slowed down, and then defenses were able to take advantage of our weaknesses. We didn't have a power back like Mendenhall, who could not only run it in, but could keep defenses honest with a play action fake. We were afraid to try and run the ball. We relied to heavily on the pass towards the end of the season, that teams would pin their ears back and take advantage of our 2 Freshman offensive tackles. Our line and QB got worn down, and we couldn't rely on Dufrene to carry the load, and we had 2 true freshman trying to help him out.
Here is the secret to our success in 2007: In a 13 game season we only had 17 touchdowns that were scored from 10 yards or less. 5 were scored from 10-20 yards out, and 18 were plays that were 20 or more yards. Think about that! We had less touchdowns within 10 yards as we did outside of 20. 8 of those were running plays, but 10 were still touchdown passes of over 20 yards. The sad thing is, is that isn't even in the game plan anymore. We were able to do this with a Sophomore QB who was coming off one of the worst seasons that an Illini QB has ever had throwing the football, and a receiving corps that was led by Freshman Arrelious Benn, Jacob Willis, Jeff Cumberland, Brian Gamble and Kyle Hudson. Not the most talented group, but we caught people off guard by our changing of the tempo.
4) We need to cause turnovers.
It has gotten to the point of the season where we can no longer sit back and watch other teams beat the shit out of our defense in the first 2 quarters of the game. I was asked last week why we don't have many turnovers. We actually get a decent amount of fumbles, but we don't get any picks for the 2nd straight year. Last season we had 6 (2 were courtesy of Eastern Illinois) this season so far we only have 3 (2 were courtesy of Illinois State). This is probably the most glaring deficiency of our team because it's not like the Big Ten is putting out quarterbacks in the First Round every year. Here is what needs to happen in this order:
1) We need to play tighter on the wide receivers and disguise our coverages more. If I see another corner playing a zone coverage in the flat not at least bump the receiver off his route before the guys flies past him, I'm going to kill somebody. This is not the corners fault, because this happens all of the time, so this has to be a Zook philosophy. Bumping the receiver throws the timing of the route off!!! And guess what, this is actually legal in the NCAA!! Why on God's lovely green earth would you rather have a receiver get a free release when bumping him is an option????
2) With the coverage tighter, it will take away quick routes that are consistently thrown and completed on us. Teams like Mizzou and Northwestern will no longer be able to complete slants, drags, 5 yard outs and 7 yard stops on us when ever they fell like it. When you take away quick routes, you allow your defensive line a chance to actually get a pass rush. With how quickly teams get rid of the ball against us, there could be 3rd grade girls playing on the offensive line, and the D-Line still wouldn't be able to get to the QB.
3) With pressure, QB's make poor decisions, and a scrambling QB is less accurate than one who can sit in the pocket. By actually playing man occasionally with safeties over the top, you no longer have QB's just throwing the ball to an open spot, and a receiver just running to that spot. You might actually have a defender there to make a play on the ball. In order to do this though, Garrett Edwards can not be in the game. He is the perfect safety for a loose cover 2, or cover 3 because he has enough speed to get to a receiver after he has caught the ball. In the current defense all he has to do is make sure that he is in position to make a tackle. Go back to Penn State and Michigan State and look at how many times the ball was thrown over the top of the corner and in front of Edwards. It is staggering. Bottom line, the idea that we don't want to give up big plays is useless, because instead of giving up big plays, we just allow teams to march on us and score a touchdown and use up 7 minutes of the game clock. It is time we played a little risk reward defense.
4) Stop using a delayed blitz. If teams are already getting rid of the ball as fast as they can, what the shit is sending your middle linebacker on a delayed blitz going to do? If you are going to continue to do this, then the corners have to be allowed to jump routes, otherwise all you are doing is opening up the middle of the field to a TE or a receiver slanting across the middle. If you are going to blitz, then time the damn thing right. Also perhaps a weak side blitz more often would be great. Ian Thomas almost killed Pryor from Ohio State, and we have brought the corner a couple of times, but not nearly enough.
That is basically it. A lack of pressure allows QB's to get comfortable and get into a rhythm. They don't have to make spectacular throws, because there is really no one there to defend the pass, and they don't have to do it on the run because they aren't holding on to the ball long enough to get rushed.
Here is the bottom line: I feel as though you can't really place too much blame on the players because they are not being placed in a position to maximize their potential. Plain and Simple, it is the coaches fault. Sure the defense misses tackles occasionally, but that is going to happen when you are running 10 yards to a spot and trying to make a play on a receiver that has already caught the ball and is turning up field. And really does it matter? What is the difference on 3rd and 5 if the receiver picks up 8 or 12 yards? You still conceded the first down when you lined up 7 yards off the ball, and your first move was to back peddle. I even can't blame the offensive line for giving up so many sacks, because by the 3rd quarter even the lady selling nachos knows that the Illini are going to drop back and pass, so teams are blitzing the hell out of them. I can't blame the running backs for not playing better because they each only get 7 carries, and everyone knows that they are either running a zone read in the middle, an off tackle zone read, or an option to the trips side of the field. Its like going on a blind date and bringing your friends and family along to tell stories about how you peed your pants in kindergarten, how you cried at the end of Titanic, and how you have probably spent more time in a strip club in the last 10 years than you have inside of a church. You don't really have a strippers chance in heaven do you? I also can't blame the QB's or receivers, because you are running and throwing routes that you are not comfortable doing. No one on this team should have to try and catch a pass from Juice while running a 5 yard drag because no one can. (Rejus was actually the one who dropped this one, and even though the commentator got on Juice about it, the ball hit him in the hands, and was in front of him). It has gotten to the point now with this team where no one has any confidence in any of their abilities. Not one person was put into a position to excel or succeed because they were going to be put in a position where their talents were enhanced (except maybe Garrett Edwards) The only thing that I can safely predict is that Donsay Hardemann will hit somebody hard against Indiana. Thats it. Other than that, all we can do is pray that Indiana is worse than we are.
While most people won't believe this, Illinois has been getting better. In St. Louis they played terrible the whole game. Against Ohio State, they played a very good first quarter except for a Juice Williams interception. Finally this last weekend, Illinois played about as good as they could have against Penn State for more than 2 quarters. All week long I tried to talk myself and whomever else would listen to me into believing that all the offense needed was one big play. A long touchdown pass or run, and this offense would be jump started. Well that didn't happen, and now we are moving on to back-up Eddie McGee (at least for 3 series).
Here is the bottom line: Before this season started everyone knew Illinois' defense wasn't going to shut anyone down. What we all expected though was that the offense would put up enough points that the short-comings in the defense wouldn't cost us games. Well almost the complete opposite has happened. The defense in the last 2 games has played well enough early to allow our offense to get going. The offense however has not accomplished this, and eventually our defense gets exposed and makes mistakes. Is Eddie McGee the answer? Hell no! Although, right now this is the only choice you can make as a coach since unlike the NFL, you can't fire assistants during the season.
For the most part I have to lay the blame with Mike Schultz who is the Illini's new offensive coordinator. He is to blame not because he is calling terrible games. Mike needs to accept blame here because he is trying to change what this team does well due to his play calling. Illinois ran the ball 35 times against Penn State. 20 times by Juice Williams. 6 of those were scrambles, 2 were sacks, 2 were option keepers, and 4 were Juice keeping the ball on the zone read option.
Out of the other 15 runs, 7 were zone reads, 3 were options, and 5 came out of regular or jumbo sets. The only complaints I have about running the ball is that when we run the option, on all but one play it was to the short side of the field with 3 receivers on that side. It worked in the first half, but then in the second half, Penn State was ready for it, and so Illinois went away from it. Would it be out of the question to run the option to the long side of the field, or away from the trips? I personally love the option because it causes the defense to play assignment football. If any of the defenders who are play side make a mistake or are out of position, a small gain can turn into a very big play. Also is it possible to run the ball a little more in sets that are not shotgun? Can we run the option with the QB under center? Our running plays are so predictable out of shotgun. Speed Option, Zone Read, QB draw. Thats it.
Where I have to question the play calling is when you don't try to pick up the pace and get the defense on their heels. I understand that at the end of the half and the end of the game, Penn State was trying to not give up a big play. However, the rest of the game Illinois played very methodically and did the same thing they have for 4 games, which was run the ball, and throw screens or have 5 yard routes.
Juice threw the ball 5 times in the first quarter and the first play of the second half. Only one of those was a pass past 5 yards. Juice did scramble 2 times on pass plays, but 7 passes out of 20, and only one past 5 yards is disgusting. I can't believe that Shultz doesn't believe that his offense is capable of stretching the field, but I can't come to any other conclusion. I am tired of seeing 5-10 screens a game. When you are either running the ball, or throwing short routes, who is a screen pass going to fool? Only after Illinois got down by a touchdown did Juice finally throw a deep pass, and it was for 50 yards to Benn to set up Illinois' field goal. When Illinois got the ball back with 1:31 left in the half at their own 2 yard line, we saw probably the best play call of the season from Schultz. A play action pass to Duvalt for 20 yards, and then Illinois sped up because they had to. On that drive, Juice did a great job of making good passes and moving the team. He completed passes of 20, 20, 10, 15 and ran for 8 on a draw, all in less than a minute. He was partly to blame for the intentional grounding, but Ryan Palmer didn't even touch the defensive end who got to Juice. Just like every other game, the offense, especially the offensive line, pulled out the shotgun and took direct aim at their foot. Even still, Illinois was only down 7-3.
In the second half, Illinois started by running 3 straight plays to the short side of the field, and shockingly they were plays that they ran a ton in the first half. A QB draw by Juice, an option to the short side (which was brought back by a hold on Ryan Palmer), and then a screen to Dufrene. Finally Juice got sacked on 3rd and 14.
After Penn State scored to get the game to 14-3, guess what Illinois ran when they got the ball back? First down was actually a pass that Juice threw incomplete terribly to Fayson, the on 2nd and 10 it was a 1 yard zone read to Dufrene (or Dushane if you are Mike Patrick), then a 2 yard screen to Dufrene on 3rd and 9.
After Penn State scored again to go up 21-3 can you guess what Illinois did? They actually tried to pass on first down again but Juice scrambled for 7 yards. So it is 2nd and 3, you have just gone 3 and out twice in a row, and now the game is getting away from you, so what do you call. Perhaps a run or draw to get the first down so your defense can get a little rest? A play action pass and perhaps take a shot down field, if it falls incomplete, you are still at 3rd and 3 or maybe juice can scramble for the first down? Nope, you run a wide receiver screen, and lose 8 yards. Now you have 3rd and 11, and Juice has to check down to Jason Ford for a 9 yards reception.
By the time that Illinois got the ball back, it didn't matter anymore, so now Illinois started to speed up and throw the ball downfield. By this point, Penn State really didn't care, and had a lot of back-ups in the game.
So here is my point: Illinois has gone from one of the most explosive offenses in the Big Ten the last 2 seasons, to being one of the most predictable and cautious offenses. Now last season I was screaming for a team that would run the ball. Now we have one, but it has come at the expense of the deep passing game. We are starting to see it, but only when we are behind. I understand that on pass plays that Juice scrambled on we might have had routes that were longer, but you have to believe that a Juice scramble has a much better chance of being successful than a wide receiver screen!! I feel like the coaches can't be on the same page, or they are completely delusional as to what their players are capable of. We probably saw the best game that our defense is going to play all season, and you have all figured out that the ball control offense is a terrible experiment. If you are going to run the ball, then run it and then maybe take a shot here or there on deeper routes, but stop throwing screens and 7 yards curls that your QB can't throw, and your receivers can't catch. You want a breakdown of what Illinois runs: Zone read option, QB draws, Speed option to the short side of the field, running back screen to trips side, wide receiver screen. As long as Illinois isn't in the 2 minute drill or behind by 70 points, these plays are going to be run 75% of the time. Hopefully playing a team other than the top 2 of the Big Ten will help this team out a little bit, but without Juice taking snaps we have to hope a guy who put up 210 total yards against ISU can lead us to a bowl game.
Well Ron Zook finally did something. Although instead of learning how to adjust at halftime, or going back to the basics that made your QB the all-time leader in yards, it was bench him. After 2 good quarters of football, and then 3 bad offensive series, Illinois was basically out of the game. And now it is Ron Zook's time to panic. Congrats Ron, because most of Illini Nation panicked as soon as Arrelious Benn injured his ankle during the Mizzou game. Although to be completely fair, this probably was not Zook's decision, it was Mike Schultz's. It is glaringly obvious that Juice Williams is not suited to run what Schultz wants him to. It is also glaringly obvious that Schultz has taken a QB who broke 3 stadium records last season and destroyed all of his talent, skill, and confidence.
If Shultz has his way, which it is obvious now that he will, Illinois will basically run the zone read, and throw screens to its running backs and receivers all day long. There will of course be 2-5 passes over 15 yards, but Eddie can't throw those. Be prepared for these things to occur on Saturday: 1) Eddie will botch at least 3 zone reads 2) Eddie will fumble at least 2 times 3) Eddie will throw an interception on one of the play action passes down the field 4) Eddie will run the ball at least 20 times because he hates to pitch or hand-off on the zone read and option. 5) Rejus will have 5 catches that will amount to either no gain, or at the most 5 yards because they are bubble screens 6) Illinois will go 3 and out at least 4 times in the first half and the defense will get tired just like it did against Penn State. 7) Michigan State is going to blitz the hell out of Eddie because they know that at the first sign of pressure, he is going to tuck the ball and run. 8) Illinois' offense is going to be even more horrific to watch because they are not going to want Eddie to make mistakes. If you thought the Mizzou game was boring to watch, this week will make that offense look like the Saints.
Here is the real question: Is this the same as 2007 when Juice was benched to get his head on straight? Will Zook actually pull Eddie as soon as he starts screwing up, or this a decision for the future? I personally can't imagine that Zook and Co. are giving up on this season, and hoping to get Eddie ready for starting next season. I also can't imagine that the Illinois coaches think that Eddie McGee is the QB who can turn this team around. Before you guys start screaming about how Eddie helped us beat ISU, remember that ISU isn't an FBS school. Also they are 2-3 themselves, and to be honest, Eddie looked completely average in that game. He was 13-17 for 164 yards, and ran 18 times for 55 yards... AGAINST AN FCS SCHOOL!!! Also both times he has gotten to play he threw an interception on his first series, both of which there wasn't a receiver in the area. This hurts the receivers more than anything. The only game that Rejus has played in where he didn't catch a ball was againstISU.
Basically what Illinois is trying to do now is play ball control offense and hope that the defense can keep them in the game. With Juice Williams at QB, every fan in the country was calling for Illinois to open up the playbook and let him throw the ball. That is not what Schultz wants to do at all, so instead of the half hearted attempts we have seen lately, they decided to take Juice out of the equation. They are hoping that Schultz's game plan of running and short passes will work. I for one am not going to hold my breath.
While we were preparing to watch the Illini get man-handled by Ohio State last Saturday, Pac-man and I started talking about Roy Jones Jr. Now before the invention of the Interweb and subsequently Youtube, when old timers like us would reminisce about things that have happened in our past, the arguments could never be settled. With the wonderful world of the 6% of the Internet that isn't porn, you can now look up these wonderful memories and prove to Pacman that you are right, and he has no clue what the hell he is talking about. The argument started for some unknown reason, but it revolved around the fact that Roy is coming out of retirement and Bernard Hopkins are fighting in 2010. The collective age of these 2 prize fighters? 84 years young.
So what was the argument you ask? Well unlike most arguments, it had nothing to do with my unshakable faith in Illini sports vs. Pacman's utter hatred and despair at the first sign of distress. This argument was basically whether or not Roy Jones Jr. in his prime was the best fighter we have ever seen. So after many minutes of heated debate and name calling, we finally went to Youtube. Below are some of the fighters that we discussed. Believe me, this is a fantastic way to kill a few minutes, and take your mind off of the ass kicking that is likely from Penn State this weekend.
Before we get to Roy here are a couple other fighters that I loved when boxing still existed. The videos are fine, but some of the music is not safe for work, so you might want to mute them.
1) Prince Naseem Hamed Hamed was probably the only boxer who you could call an entertainer first, then a fighter. Most purists hated him because of his actions not only in the ring, but his ridiculous entrances. Some of my favorites: He came into the ring on a flying carpet. He danced behind a waterfall for about 3 minutes while a highlight reel played on the waterfall itself. The most famous things about Hamed were that he would flip into the ring, and he almost never put his hands up to block punches. He threw punches from ridiculously unorthodox angles, and he knocked the hell out of people.
Hamed finished his career at 36-1 with 31 knockouts. Unfortunately there aren't a lot of great videos of his knockouts. Trust me, he was one of the best knockout artists of all time. I had a lot of sports firsts with Naseem. He was the first fighter I ever bet on. Betting on him was the first time I stopped gambling, and consequently the first time I ever broke anything in a drunken rage.
2) Floyd Mayweather Junior Floyd Money Mayweather is considered by many as the best pound for pound fighter out there right now. Mayweather does not have the knockout power that most of my favorites have, but he doesn't really have a weakness, and he pretty much dismantles anyone who steps into the ring with him.
For the record that is the worst soundtrack I have ever heard for a boxing highlight tape. Who knew that 16 year old Emo chicks are huge Money Mayweather fans?
Mayweather's record: 40-0 25 knockouts
3) Mike Tyson Iron Mike Tyson is pretty much my favorite boxer of all-time, but towards the end of his career he became so dependant on the knockout that he would panic when the fight got into later rounds. He would then get sloppy and bite peoples ears off. Although not too many people talk about the fact that Holyfield's best punch in that fight was a head butt, and he used it many times. I know that Evander probably wasn't valedictorian at his high school, but you have to be a little smarter than that. When you are fighting a man who is basically clinically insane, who has been to prison, and was born punching people, getting your ear bitten off because you are head butting this man is probably the best case scenario for you. I have literally spent hours watching Mike Tyson's greatest hits on ESPN. I have actually cancelled plans and watched them over and over. I wonder that says about my psychological make up?
The video starts slow, and the white flashes is probably the dumbest thing I have ever seen. When your video revolves around Mike Tyson hitting people, it is probably the worst thing you can think of to flash the contact out. Anyways, Tyson was made from granite, and was faster than anyone he ever fought. I'm glad that he seems to be doing well these days. Tyson's record: 50-6 with 44 knockouts. He won his first 19 fights by knockout. He was 37-0 before he lost to Buster Douglas, and then finally lost 5 of his last 12 fights.
4) Roy Jones Jr. Like Tyson, Jones had the power, speed and defense in his prime. He is probably the fastest puncher I have ever seen. Watch for the 4 left hooks he throws in a row (2:30). It is scary that a human being could punch that hard that fast. He often toyed with his opponents, and since he wasn't a heavyweight, he had to change weight classes constantly in order to get Big-Name fights. My favorite knock-out by Roy is the body shot that he used to knockout Virgil Hill. He broke 2 ribs with that punch. You will see it in video (7:20). Also his knockout of Montell Griffin in the rematch is amazing. It is the last knockout. A little back story about that fight. Jones was in a pretty good fight against Griffin, and finally scored a knockdown. While Griffin was on a knee, Jones punched him again and was disqualified for his first loss of his career. A rematch was scheduled, and Griffin decided to tell anyone that would listen that the reason that Jones hit him on the ground was because he was afraid that he was going to lose the fight. What did Roy do? Well he destroyed Griffin in 2 minutes and 31 seconds. The first knockdown is awesome, and continuing his track record of being an idiot, Griffin got up and gave us one of the greatest knockouts I have ever seen. Watching him try to get up is like watching an 8 year old try to get up after taking 3 Vicodin and drinking a keg of whiskey.
This is probably the best video out there as far as boxing goes. Roy's Record: 54-5 with 40 knockouts. He lost 4 of his last 9 fights including 2 to Antonio Tarver whom he beat in their first fight.
Finally with all these knockouts, I would be a crime to not show you probably the best fight of our time. Arturo Gatti vs. Mickey Ward 1 was amazing. This video is pretty good, but it does jump around a little.
I wish I had the number of punches thrown and landed were, but I heard that Gatti averaged 70 punches a round in this fight. Either way, if this is ever on ESPN Classic, or any other channel, watch it. We will be back with an Illini preview for this week, and also we will be bringing back the weekly pick'em.
