Breaking Down the Illini

Not many people thought that the Illini would be much better than 8-3 right now. After an atrocious football season, I'm sure most people were delusionally hopeful that the basketball team would be able to bring Illini fans some joy. While every one is disappointed with the Illini record right now, it isn't because of the loses, instead it is because of who the Illini have lost to. If Illinois was 8-3 with losses to Clemson, Vanderbilt and Oklahoma State this year, I think people would still be cautiously opptomistic about this season. Now that Illinois has lost to Utah (5-6), Bradley(5-5) and Georgia (5-4), the sky is falling and people wonder if the Illini will even make the NIT. Make no mistake, Illinois does have a very realistic chance of missing the NCAA tournament, and possibly playing in the NIT, which most people would agree would be a huge disappointment. However, this team still has a good chance of making the NCAA's, it's just that their seed will be horrible.


Like I stated before, Illinois was going to miss Chester Frazier more than anyone would have ever imagined. I know that eveyone wants to see offense. As soon as we saw that Brandon Paul and DJ Richardson could score 20 points a game with little effort, everyone forgot about Frazier and Meacham. However, if you ask any decent coach if they would rather have a great defensive team or a great offensive team, every one of them would take a defensive team. Hence the reason that I think John Beilein is a garbage coach at Michigan. The rational behind this is simple; you can have an off shooting night on any given day. On defense though, if that is what your bread and butter is, you never have off nights. It is all about position and effort on defense, where as offense is execution and touch. Ever person who has played basketball has had days where they have shot lights out, and also days where they couldn't hit shit. When was the last time you heard of a defensive team taking a game off?


If this team does not learn to want to play defense, then they will probably finish around .500 in the Big Ten and be a bubble team at best. Anybody can learn to play defense, it has nothing to do with athleticism. Trent Meacham was probably the least athletic guard Illinois has had in at least the last decade, yet he was 10 times the defender that the stable of athletic guards on Illinois are. Explain that to me.


Here are the Illini's defeciancies right now:


1) Defense - All across the board, Illinois is below average compared to what they used to be. Nobody can stop dribble penetration, and nobody fights over screens well. No one rotates well enough to help on dribble penetration. Illinois does not close out on shooters well, and the post defense is not great since we cannot guard a post player without double teaming him. Due to the fact that we can't guard the perimeter without giving up penetration, we cannot pressure the ball. This directly leads to bad post defense since any guard can enter the ball into the post without any ball pressure. These were all things that Illinois took pride in during previous seasons, and it also helped hide the weak post defense. Now Illinois is not going to turn into a great defensive team overnight, and they have shown flashes of playing good defense all year. In order for them to be a top tier Big Ten team, they are going to have to put forth more effort for longer periods of time.


2) Rebounding - Georgia exposed a glaring weakness in the Illini. Georgia crashed the boards with at least 3 players on every shot, and Illinois did not have the strength to stop them. After watching the game again, it wasn't so much that Illinois was out muscled, it was the fact that nobody boxed anyone out. Mike Davis is athletic enough to grab any rebound around him, and Tisdale is taller than everyone, so they get sloppy rebounding. Since they didn't box out, they were pushed out of the way so many times for rebounds, it was disgusting.


3) Ball Handling - Without McCamey, Illinois looks horrible on offense if a team plays any type of pressure defense. It takes so long for Illinois to get into their offense when Jeff Jordan is playing point that they might as well scrap the offense and give the ball to Paul and let him drive to the hoop. Mizzou scares the hell out of me because they play the exact same trapping defense as Clemson did. I almost want McCamey to stay on the offensive end so that he doesn't get into any foul trouble trying to play defense. None of the other 4 guards that we play look like they can dribble the ball at all.


4) Shot Selection - So far you have to be happy with DJ Richardson's 3 point shooting, and I have no problem with any of the ones that he takes. The only thing I would like to see more of is passing when the Freshman guards penetrate. Everyone on this team can shoot, so dribble penetration and kick outs should be a major part of the offense. I really would like to see Tisdale and Davis get the ball in the post more. Davis can shoot over anyone with unorthodox angles, and Tisdale has had a great hook all season long. As much as I love the Freshman, DJ is shooting 44% from the field and Paul is shooting 39%. I like all the 3's that they have taken, but they take a lot of poor shots on penetration.


5) Substitutions - Bruce Weber has been notorious for having a short bench and not getting a lot of people playing time. This season he has made a concious effort to play at least 9 people if not more. He needs to stop doing this immediately, and I am pretty sure that he will. The only reason that Alex Legion or Tyler Griffey need to play is if we are up 20, or if we have 2 guards or post players in foul trouble. I will never understand why people will scream for a player that they have never seen before to get more minutes as a Freshman. I wanted to see Legion get more minutes because he played pretty well as a Freshman for Kentucky, and last season his 3 best games came @ Purdue, @Michigan and @ Michigan State. He scored in double figures in all of those games and played well. This season he has clearly been outplayed by the Freshman and Bill Cole, so there is no reason to appease him by giving him 8 crap minutes a game. The rotation should be the starting five, and then Bill Cole and Dominique Keller for the posts, and Jeff Jordan coming in for a guard. If you need to go deeper than that for foul trouble, then you can play Legion or Griffey, but just to steal 3 minutes.

6) Screening - Nobody on this team will set a solid screen.... EVER!! Everyone is way too concerned with getting to the ball, and they don't wait for their screens, and the post players don't want to screen at times. If they were a little more patient on offense, then they would get better looks for sure!!

Now that I have dispatched with the unpleasentries, lets talk about the positives.

1) The Freshman - They have been playing much better than I ever expected. DJ Richardson has been shooting from long range better than he ever did in high school, and Brandon Paul can score from pretty much anywhere. The nice thing about the Freshman is that they have grasped the motion offense very quickly, and they also have shown improvement on defense. By their Junior year, they will be the best backcourt tandem in the Big Ten.

2) Demitri McCamey - All Illinois fans and Bruce Weber have asked of McCamey is to be consistant. Well he has played well in almost every game. He is shooting over 50% from the field, which only 2 other guards in the Big Ten Top 20 scorers are doing, and he is shooting 41% from 3. He is also second in the Big Ten in assists behind all world Evan Turner. If he could pick it up on the defensive end, he will be a lock for First Team Big Ten.

3) Bill Cole - Cole was the odd man out in the Junior class, but he has completely changed his style of play in order to get minutes. The knock on Cole was that he was a defensive liability on the floor. Well this season all he is doing is playing defense, and scraping for loose balls. He provides another spark off the bench just like Dominique Keller. It is apparent that Cole has realized that defense and rebounding, not offense will get him on the floor, something that Alex Legion hasn't grasped yet.

4) Style of Play - Illinois tries to run every chance they get, and it seems to work. Something that is completely overlooked is how well McCamey runs the secondary break. It is something that Deron Williams did extremely well, and McCamey is doing the exact same thing. He is extremely good at pushing the ball and finding open people, yet at the same time, pulling the ball out when nothing is there. Early on, he was trying to make ridiculous passes, but that was during blowout games. Everytime you see a long pass for a dunk by one of the post players, you can bet good money on the fact that the pass came from McCamey. If Illinois ran an offense where the point has the ball in his hands all of the time, then McCamey would average at least 4 more assists a game. The beauty of the motion offense is that everyone touches the ball, and with solid ball movement, you will get open shots all of the time. It doesn't need a playmaking point guard necessarily.

5) Depth - As much as I would like to see Bruce cut down his rotation, if the need becomes apparent, Bruce can bring in another 2-3 players and you they won't lose a game for you. Imagine if Joseph Bertrand was still healthy, and you had 6 guards that you could play if need be. Rich Semrau who hasn't played many meaningful minutes lately, but he has played them before in close games. Alex Legion can hit shots if need be, and during a grueling Big Ten season, you will have games where you will need some people off the bench to contribute when they haven't before.

Here are some things that have been driving me crazy this week:

1) We need bangers inside - When we went to the Final Four, we didn't have one player who was a major inside presence. Although when we did have a major presence inside (Shaun Pruitt) we had the worst year for an Illinois basketball team since Lou Henson's ball players went 13-15 in 1992. It will never cease to amaze me how dumb and delusional Illinois fans are. That is the reason why I chose to start a blog instead of get into a pissing match with moronic message board posters. Now people have decided to bitch about the fact that Tisdale and Davis aren't big post players, and why Bruce doesn't recruit those types of players. If you want Shaun Pruitt and Brian Randle back in the front court, you are a fucking idiot, and for the record, they were both higher ranked players coming out of high school than Davis and Tisdale!!

2) Bruce Weber is getting outcoached - How the shit is this happening?? Because his players are beating teams who are better than them, but losing to teams who are not as good?? So when Bruce coaches up a group of players without major talent and has them overachieve (last season and the final four season) he is an amazing coach, but when he has players who take games off he is being outcoached?? Shut the fuck up!!! People wanted Bruce gone 2 years ago because he couldn't recruit. When he started to recruit, people said that the players that he got commits from wouldn't sign. Well now he got them to sign, and now people say that he is getting out coached. I am starting to come to the conclusion that Illinois has one of the most delusional fan bases in the country. As much as I hate Indiana, I think they are better sports fans than Illinois is. I watched the entire Indiana vs. Loyola (MD) game today, and Indiana got the hell kicked out of them from the opening tip. They were down 15-0 to start the game, yet there were no fans booing! They were down 46-22 with a minute left, yet fans were cheering every made basket by Indiana.
If that were an Illinois home game, people would have started booing as soon as we were down 5-0. Bruce Weber said at the begining of last season that we had to win the fans back. Win them back from what? One bad season after we made the NCAA tournament for 7 straight years and had a national championship appearance in 2005?? Guess what, I came from Oregon to go to college at University of Illinois, and trust me, the rest of the country has no clue that Illinois even has a sports program. We are a flash in the pan every time we make it big, so get a fucking grip and realize that you are not North Carolina, Kansas, UCLA, or Kentucky in basketball. Neither are we USC, Florida, LSU, Ohio State or even Notre Dame in football. Nobody will give you credit until you win big consistantly, and Illinois has never done that!!! Be glad that you have competative teams year in and year out.

End of Decade Movie Review (2002)

2002 was a pretty solid year for movies, and it also was the beginning of the end for great movies for the decade. While 2000 and 2001 had plenty of good movies to choose from, 2002 had some great movies to carry the year, but not after the top 10. It was another year that was dominated by the major movie series, with Spider Man, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Harry Potter being the top 4 earners of the year. I hated every Spider Man movie, couldn't stay awake for all of the Lord of the Rings, but I do like Star Wars and Harry Potter. Here are the top 10 movies of 2002.

10) Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
- Chuck Barris was a damn looney tune. He claimed to be an assassin for the CIA, and really not much of the movie is really based on reality. Basically the movie is what a delusional Chuck Barris wishes his life was, even though he claims that everything is true. Sam Rockwell does a great job playing Barris, and really the movie is pretty entertaining. Basically this movie would be like me writing an autobiography saying that in my younger days, I was secretly Allen Iverson.





9) Van Wilder
- You guys can bash me all you want about having Van Wilder in my top 10, but I loved the return of a college comedy. At the time, no movies were being made that had that type of comedy. Ryan Reynolds was funny, Tara Reid was hot for the last time in her life, and it had an Indian in it. Pretty much all I need. Believe me, it was a down year for comedies. It was either this movie or Goldmember, and Goldmember was terrible. I can still watch this movie anytime it is on TV, no matter how many times I have watched it before.




8) Igby Goes Down
- Pretty sure none of you have ever watched this movie, but it was actually very good. It is a very weird story, but it is really well done. Kieran Culkin actually shows that he can act in the movie. Basically the story revolves around a rich teenager who is completely disinterested in his life and his lineage. At times the movie can be darkly funny, and also at times it can be pretty dramatic. I really enjoyed it, and Susan Sarandon as Igby's mother is fantastic. If you get the chance, check it out, everyone in the movie is a different type of crazy. Also I think that The Dandy Warhols "Bohemian Like You" has to be the record holder for times in a trailer. Either way, I love that song.




7) The Count of Monte Cristo
- I had to read the book in high school, and so when the movie came out I was actually excited to watch it, seeing as though it was the one book I read in high school that I enjoyed. It was one film that did a decent job of cutting out the needless fluff from a novel, yet still keep the integrity of it. I absolutely feel in love with the girl who played Mercedes. It really shocked me when I found out she played the tranny manager in Rock Star. The prison scenes are very good. This movie did a great job of being dramatic, but not over the top. In too many movies that are adaptations of novels, either they become too serious, or they become like Zorro and are made with mass appeal, but end up sucking.

The Count of Monte Cristo - Theatrical Trailer Movies & TV SPIKE.com

6) Minority Report
- This was the beginning of the end for Tom Cruise. Minority Report was fun to watch because the story is fantastic. Overall it was a really good movie from start to finish. Watching it over though, you see the over acting that made Tom Cruise famous. It is pretty funny to watch his movies now that I realize that he wasn't fantastic in Days of Thunder and Top Gun. I think it is safe to say that Tommy won't be up for any Best Actor Oscars in the near future. Even with him, this movie is very cool.




5) Road To Perdition
- Many of you will think that this movie is way too low on the list, and maybe it is, but for me it was too long. The story is fantastic, and the acting couldn't have been better. The only problem I had with the movie is there are too many scenes in it that don't really do anything to add to the film. There are countless scenes where there is no dialogue or any type of action. I am assuming that they didn't want the movie to be only 90 minutes, but realistically that is all the movie was. It always amazes me that Tom Hanks conquered every genre except for action hero. Seriously, he has done everything and he has done it well. He started in comedies like Dragnet, Big, and Bachelor Party. He did chick flicks like You've Got Mail, and Sleepless in Seattle, and then he moved on to dramatic roles. Hell, he was even a cartoon. He is a fantastic actor, but the only roles I don't like him in are the Dan Brown novels. I still think that there could have been someone better to play Robert Langdon.




4) Catch Me If You Can
- Loved every second of this movie. Leo, Tom Hanks, and Chris Walken are fantastic. It is really hard to imagine that most of this movie is true. Here are some amazing facts about Frank Abagnale Jr.
- forged 2.5 million worth of bad checks in five years, starting when he was 16!
- He flew over 1,000,000 miles acting as a Pan Am pilot between the ages of 16-18
- He was a Chief Resident of Pediatrics at a hospital in Georgia for almost a year
- Forged a Harvard Law degree and passes the bar in Louisiana after his 3rd try after studying for 8 weeks. He was 19.
- Escaped from police and prison custody twice.

The movie changes some of this around, but it is still amazing to watch.




3) Super Troopers
- One of my favorite comedies of all-time. From start to finish, this movie is hilarious. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I will either text friends lines from this movie, or receive lines from this movie. No matter what I am doing, or what mood I am in, it always makes me laugh. The repeater, counting how many times you can say meow, the Halloween costume, there are so many fantastic scenes that I would basically recapped the movie if I mentioned them all. The best Halloween costumes I have seen probably ever was when a group of guys in college dressed up like all of the Super Troopers. If this is not one of your favorite comedies of all-time, you need to re-evaluate you sense of humor.




2) Gangs of New York
- I think that this is probably the best movie that Leo DiCaprio has been in. Not because he was good, even though he was better than good. This movie is the best that he is in because of the cast around him and the story. The action and fight scenes in Gangs of New York was spectacular, and it really depicted a time that no one really knows about in American History. I actually even liked Cameron Diaz in this movie. I didn't love her, and realistically you could have placed anyone in the role, and all they had to do was not fall down all the time to be good. A very underrated actor out there is Daniel Day-Lewis. I'm sure a lot of you agree with me that he is fantastic, but he is never really mentioned when the Best Actors of our era are mentioned. I think that this can be attributed to the fact that all he does is work on movies. It is a common fact that he spends months if not years researching the next character that he is going to play. He then gets so involved with who he is playing, that he says that he usually needs 6 months to actually become normal again. Either way, having both of these guys in the same movie was fantastic.




1) Bourne Identity

- This movie was the best action movie of the decade, hands down! Normally a story about an assassin who lost his memory would have been pretty cliche, but the action and intrigue in this movie was amazing. Watching Jason Bourne trying to figure out who his is by figuring out he is a killing machine is really cool. You are figuring out who he is at the same time as him, and while he can't figure out who to trust, neither can you. You're not sure if he is a good guy, or actually a brutal killer gone rogue. Bourne Identity was as close to Memento as a movie can get without being crazy. Not only that, but the Bourne movies completely recreated the art of the car chase scene, and it was done by shooting most of the action from the car, and using crazy techno music. The final reason that I think this is the best action movie of the decade is the sole fact that somehow this movie made Matt Damon a badass. What part of Good Will Hunting or All the Pretty Horses made you believe that Damon was capable of pulling off this role? That was the exact mindset I had going into this film, and this movie made me change every preconceived notion I had of him. Have you ever wondered how many words that Damon actually says in this movie? I wonder that all of the time. I bet if you take all 3 of the Bourne movies and add up his dialogue, it would equal his dialogue in Good Will Hunting.




Movies that came close:
Red Dragon - This was a good movie, and it was a good follow up to Silence of the Lambs, but nothing could ever really top the original.
The Time Machine - I like how they adapted the movie from the book, but it was a little too crazy with the future being what it was. Really great premise though.

Durty's Guilty Pleasure:

The New Guy- Absolutely horrible movie, but again it has Eliza Dushku in it, so I will watch it every time it is on TV. Not only is she a cheerleader again in this movie, but there is also a scene where she is trying on about 5 different bikinis. It's awesome.

End of Decade Movie Review (2001)

2001 was the year that started the snowball of big budget series rolling. The top 3 grossing movies of the year were Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Shrek. I enjoyed all three of these movies, and I have enjoyed the subsequent movies that have been made after the originals, but I feel that these movies have shifted film making away from solid scripts and good acting, and instead have pushed Hollywood into an era where they are looking to come up with the next money making saga.
I'm not sure if the reason I thought that there were so many good movies in this year can be attributed to the fact that I was in college and basically saw everything, or if in fact, they were actually really good movies. Either way, here is my list.

10) Snatch
- The follow up to Lock, Stock and 2 smoking barrels from Guy Ritche was really good. You can't understand a damn word Brad Pitt says, and it was funny. Americans found out that there are actually black people in England, and their accents are funny. Guy Ritchie's movie making style of combining multiple characters who have never met until one final ending is great, and it was funny. Total it all up and the movie is pretty damn hilarious. Tyrone the rally car driver is hands down my favorite person in the movie. The editing of the movie is really exceptional with random cut aways to explain backgrounds of people. All together it was a really good script that was well acted.




9) Training Day
- Denzel Washington playing a villain was awesome. If anyone else plays this role, this movie because a little above average, but because it was Denzel, you were mesmerized the entire movie. It would be like if you had just found out that instead of being wholesome, Tiger Woods was actually a cheating dirt-bag. Every scene that Ethan Hawke is in over his head you are gripped with suspense, like when he gave his gun to the Latino gang bangers. Also it is really difficult to base a movie on a single day, and that shouldn't be overlooked in this movie. I just wished that they had come up with a better line than "King Kong ain't got shit on me!" Such a great movie, and then you throw in such a middle school line. Seeing Eva Mendes completely naked is truly awesome, for that alone, this movie is rewatchable many times.




8) Black Hawk Down
- It seems like it would be really easy to make great movies based on wars and the military because there are so many stories that no person who has never been in combat would be shocked and moved by seeing. However, many movies that are made in this genre miss because they try to add too much to the story. Black Hawk Down is based on a book that was written about true events, and it is just gritty combat scenes. It is heart breaking and awesome at the same time. The mark of a good war movie is that when you finish watching the movie, you wish that you had half the balls of the people who actually were in that situation. There was nothing in the movie that didn't need to be there, and the combat scenes were really well done. For instance, if they had added some unrealistic scenes that showed Josh Hartnett being a total badass, then the movie would have been completely unbelievable, instead they just showed everyone being a soldier and doing what they are trained to do.





7) Zoolander
- I saw this movie for the first time in the theatre, and I absolutely hated it. It was weird, and seemed kinda stupid. Upon rewatching this movie about 400 hundred times in college, I gained a appreciation for how unbelievably dumb and hilarious this movie actually was. This was a perfect Will Ferrell role, which we wanted more of. Unfortunately in a 2 year stretch, Ferrell gave us more than we could handle, and now it has become boring. I actually witnessed a walk-off during an exam in college as a fraternity prank, and it was hilarious. In the middle of the exam, a guy pulls out a stereo, starts playing Michael Jackson and screams "It's a walk-off!!" Two guys jump out of their seats and start posing as they walk up and down the aisle. It was amazing. Makes me wish that we hazed more.

Ben Stiller should have to make at least 1 movie with his father every 2 years because Jerry Stiller is funny as shit. The cameos are perfect in this movie. If it weren't for Zoolander, then nobody would know who the shit Billy Zane is, and I'm pretty sure that Vince Vaughn never says a word as Derek's brother, yet he is fantastic. As good as all of that was, the movie is great based on the scene where Zoolander goes to Hansel's apartment. That scene was probably one of the best comedy scenes of the decade. Midgets, Spider Monkeys, bread baking, it had everything!!





6) Spy Game
- Spy Game was really good because it wasn't your typical spy movie where you have twists and turns that you try and figure out. In this movie, you are riding along with all of the twists and turns as the story is told to someone else. Movies like this make you believe that Brad Pitt is one of the Top 5 actors of our time. Has anyone ever other than Johnny Depp tried so hard not to be a sex symbol.

It is cool to see how spies actually operate, even though this movie might not be an accurate representation. I can watch this movie at anytime and still enjoy the shit out of it. The manipulation that you see in this movie makes you truly wonder if there are actually people out there that can get someone to sacrifice their life for your own motives (aside from terrorists). I'm sure this is true, and it freaks the hell out of me. On a side note, most movies don't ever live up to the trailer, but in this case, I think the trailer completely missed the mark. The movie was not about the action, it was more the intrigue. Trailer = Bad.





5) Ali
- Great movie about the greatest boxer of all-time. This movie accomplished one huge feat. It showed people who never watched the Jamie Foxx show that Foxx could act. Just kidding, the Jamie Foxx show was horrible, but Jamie is a great actor. As much as I don't like Will Smith, he did an amazing job not only playing Ali the fighter, but Ali the man. He truly lived an amazing life and this movie does an excellent job explaining everything. Like I said about The Legend of Bagger Vance, I think that they might have found somebody who could play this role better. I feel that because Denzel is getting older, Will Smith is the go to for a younger black actor, and that is a shame because there are much better actors out there. Not a whole lot to say about this movie, you can look up Ali and figure out the rest, or just watch this movie. On a side note, you should definately watch the ESPN 30 for 30 episode with Ali, it was fantastic.




4) Blow
- I love this movie!! I think this is Johnny Depp's best role. Somehow he makes one of the largest drug dealers in the history of the United States seem like a victim. Watching the rise and fall of George Jung is entertaining and frustrating at the same time. Every woman in this guy's life screws him over one way or another, except for the one that dies with Cancer. I'm sure the movie took some liberties as far as George's life actually goes, but it is fantastic from start to finish.

Before this movie, I'm pretty sure nobody our age could tell you who sang "Black Betty", but after this movie, every where you went, you heard it. Listening to Depp do the voice overs really adds to the movie, and the music in the movie is fantastic. Ted Demme made 3 of my favorite movies of all-time in Blow, Beautiful Girls, and The Ref, but sadly he died during a pick-up basketball game a few years after Blow. The irony of his death was that he had cocaine in his system when he died. Only a genius though could have a movie that had Pee-Wee Herman and Bobcat Goldthwait in it and not have the movie completely suck. I will never understand how people thought either of them were funny. This movie also introduced me to Jamie King who I have had a huge crush on ever since (Watch Sin City again). 5 things I learned from this movie.

1) Never make promises to your kid that you can't keep.
2) Never marry a Colombian girl, especially if she was already engaged to a Colombian drug dealer.
3) Don't ever tell your friends who your dealing connections are.
4) Don't sell drugs.
5) All male hairdressers are gay.




3) The Royal Tenenbaums
- A great follow-up to Bottle Rocket and Rushmore by Wes Anderson. The Royal Tenenbaums was the first comedy that I watched that was based solely on dialogue and story that I truly appreciated. Sure Best In Show was like this, but that had a ridiculous premise. This movie was bases solely on a disfunctional family that really had nothing overly entertaining about them. I love Wes Anderson because nothing about his movies would be funny in real life. He creates a completely unorthodox situation and the acting makes it funny. It is the opposite of slapstick. For instance when he shoots his son with the bb gun. In a normal comedy that would be funny based on it being an unusual situation and it would be physical comedy, but they make it a recurring joke based on the dialogue. Also Margo being adopted. This isn't funny except for the fact that Royal always refers to her as "My adopted daughter Margo Tenenbaum." With Wes Anderson it is funny because of how Gene Hackman interacts with each other person after the fact. Best line of the movie is " Hell of a damn grave......wish it was mine" No one in the history of movies could make looking at at a headstone funny except for Wes Anderson.
The severe lack of emotion from everyone, and then subsequent show of emotion from everyone is amazing. My favorite character is obviously Royal, that is besides Bagoda. I'll let you in on a little secret; Indian people love any other Indian that is in an American film. We will watch anything that has an Indian. I'm sure it is hard for most people to understand, except Yerk. I'm sure Yerk watches anything that has a Cuban in it who isn't portraying Fidel Castro.




2) A Beautiful Mind
- Movies that deal with different types of emotional or metal problems always make me uncomfortable. After I watch them, I always feel like I should be much more appreciative of the fact that I am not stricken with such as ailment. My worst problems are that I am obsessed with Illinois sports, and I might drink too much. At least I don't hallucinate. Anyways, A Beautiful Mind was extremely well done, and it is a very good story. A lot has been made of how the movie wasn't very accurate, but movies aren't supposed to be the exact same as real life. If they were, then people would have to pay to watch the news. Either way, the biggest inaccuracy was probably that no woman as hot as Jennifer Connelly would fall in love with such a dork. It's not like John Nash was a billionaire.
Russel Crowe was really good in this movie, and the movie did a fantastic job of not letting you know what was real and what was just a delusion of John Nash's mind. It was kinda like The Sixth Sense, but without the dead people and better acting. Actually I would really like to watch this movie again soon.




1) Memento
- I have to say, this is the coolest movie of the decade, and quite possibly the best movie I have ever seen. I can't even begin to fathom how someone could even come up with an idea like this. Whenever you ask someone what there Top 5 favorite movies of All-Time are, they never think of this movie. I never do, but I really think this is the most creative, clever movie I have ever seen. The fact that Christopher Nolan not only wrote and directed this, but also did Batman Begins and Dark Knight makes you believe that he is the best writer out there right now. The only problem with this movie is that you can't really watch it multiple time. I haven't seen this movies for at least 5 years, and as I am writing this, I am really dying to watch it again. Since I haven't watched it for such a long time, and really only watched it a couple times, I can't really write that much about it. All I know is that when I first saw this movie, I never thought that I would watch another movie that was so clever and well done. To date, I still really haven't.
You know how everyone has a couple things that they can't wait to expose their kids to when they have kids? Well this is one of them for me. Here are some others.
1) First Cubs game
2) Teaching them to throw a football, and then coverages and hot reads.
3) The history of Illinois sports, and why we hate Indiana, Duke, Bruce Pearl and Digger Phelps
4) How to make the perfect snowball
5) How to play craps
6) Teaching them everything there is to know about Michael Jordan
7) Watching Godfather 1 and 2, and then telling that Godfather 3 will just let them down.

Some things that mom is going to teach them about
1) How to use the toilet
2) Sex
3) How to study properly, because lord knows I have no clue




Now on to the near misses:

Oceans 11
- This could have been in the top 10, but it was a remake. I really did like the movie a lot though, and then the next 2 were terrible.

Vanilla Sky
- This movie was very strange, and had a really good concept, but it was over the top. It took crazy too far, but I really like the story a lot. I guess this was when people started realizing that Tom Cruise was an over-actor. When you do a movie that revolves around a person losing their mind, you don't need to over do it. People that act as crazy as Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz acted in this movie don't end up in an asylum, they end up begging for change on an on ramp of the Dan Ryan.

I Am Sam
- This was such a sad, depressing movie for pretty much the entire thing that I never wanted to watch it again. I saw this for the first time with my sister who is: 1) A Special Education teacher 2) A crier and 3) A movie talker. So needless to say, she was a god damn mess through out the entire movie. Between her sobbing uncontrollably, and her screaming at the TV while uncontrollably sobbing, I could barely watch the damn movie. It was extremely good, and Sean Penn was amazing. No matter how old Michelle Pfeiffer gets, she will still be in my all-time Top 5, so I will always like movies that she is in. As great as the acting was, I just couldn't put it in my top 10 of the year.

Guilty Pleasure Movie of 2001

Out Cold
- One of my favorite comedies of all-time. Since I was a little kid, I always loved ski movies, and this was the 2000's attempt at an old B movie set on the ski slopes. The only way that this movie fell short from the originals from the 80's was that there was no nudity, but besides that, this movie is hilarious. Most people now know about Zach Galifianakis because of The Hangover, but before that he was being hilarious in Out Cold. The pranks that him and his brother play on each other are great. This movie is nothing more than 90 minutes of entertainment, so don't bitch at me if its not funny enough for you. This is my guilty pleasure, not yours.

Coming up tommorow is 2002.

End of Decade Movie Review (2000)

My 2 favorite things that are appropriate to discuss in such a public forum are sports and movies. I have discussed movies on here plenty of times, and so now do to the fact that the decade is coming to an end, I will pick out my favorite movies from each year of the 2000's. I will also throw in a couple of movies that could have been great, but missed somehow, and finally my guilty pleasure movie of the year. I will do this every day until Christmas, and then I will put together my top 10 of the decade. So here we go:

The Top 10

10) Requiem for a Dream
- Probably one of the weirdest movies of the decade. Extremely cool view of different people with vastly different drug addictions. This movie should have opened people's eyes to prescription drug abuse, except nobody watched it. The movie is completely worth it if you haven't watched it before. Jennifer Connelly makes this a must watch, TRUST ME!! Darren Aronofsky wrote and directed it, and after watching this you will never want to be alone in a room with him. If you really want to be freaked out by a movie he wrote and directed, watch Pi. If you really want to enjoy another movie he directed, watch The Wrestler.





9) American Psycho
- Another crazy movie. American Psycho was a movie based on the novel by Brett Easton Ellis and was extremely well done. The movie combined gruesome death scenes with dialogue and acting that made you spend every minute of the movie wondering what the shit was going on. When you watch this movie now, you have no idea how the hell Christian Bale became Batman. You also wonder how it took 7 years for Christian Bale to become a major actor, because he was phenomenal in this film. There are a lot of sex scenes in this movie, but they all make you feel really uncomfortable. My favorite parts of this movie revolve around the business cards, and also the musical references during the murder scenes. An interesting thing to consider; Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Ed Norton and Leo DiCaprio were all rumored to play the lead role in the movie. Had any of them played Patrick Bateman, would the film have been better or worse?

Trailer is not safe for work



8) The Beach
- To be honest, I hadn't actually seen this movie all of the way through until 3 years ago. When I actually did watch it, I enjoyed everything about it. What is most appealing about this movie is that fact that I think everyone has fantasized about going off and living on an island somewhere, where the trappings of everyday normal life are completely lost on everyone. All and all it was a very cool movie, and it was pretty much the movie that helped launch Leo DiCaprio to the level he is at right now. Sure he was good in Titanic, but realistically, anyone could have been in that movie, and it still would have made a billion dollars. In The Beach, you actually saw DiCaprio carry a movie with his acting talent. It wasn't the story that carried the movie, it was the acting. What is great about this movie is that for an hour it seems to be a cool, feel good movie about a guy trying to find himself on a hidden island. All of the sudden, it takes some crazy turns that make the movie really enjoyable.





7) Traffic
- A really good movie that looked at basically every aspect of drug trafficking. The movie encapsulated smuggling, using, the DEA and fighting drug use by kids. The only problem I had with the film was that it was so damn long. The movie basically introduced free-basing to the masses, and the fact that rich kids use drugs just as much as poor kids. This was a really good movie to watch once, but I could really never watch it again. The movie did a great job of showing the aspects of drug movies that normally get overlooked. Every other drug movie revolves around cops and drug dealers on the streets. This movie takes a much larger view of it. Instead of just dealers and cops, they throw in the government, moles, witnesses and the families of everyone. Basically every aspect of drugs is explored and it is very well done, it just could have been 20 minutes shorter.





6) Me, Myself, and Irene
-I normally don't like movies that star Jim Carrey, but god damn this movie was funny. The 3 sons are hilarious when they are making fun of each other. The Albino kid killed me, and Renee Zellweger was actually enjoyable in this movie. Why did Renee not change her last name? Everyone in Hollywood does it. I'm pretty sure that Vin Diesel was not the name that Vinny had on his birth certificate. Anyway, this movie has rewatchability, and it doesn't really get old. I could go on and on about different scenes that I love, but then I would be reciting the whole movie. This was a movie that was made for Jim Carrey because of all of the physical comedy that was involved. On a side note, I think that Will Ferrell has become the new Jim Carrey. Both of them started out on sketch comedy shows, both of them were extremely funny when they came out, they both tried to branch out into more serious roles but only Carrey pulled it out. Ferrell has become a one trick pony, and he is about 2 more flops away from taking a hiatous and then re-inventing himself after a couple of years.





As funny as the trailer is, the biggest laugh I got was that gas was $1.13 when this was shot.

5) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
-This movie was unbelievably innovative. The fact that everyone could pretty much fly in this movie was phenomenal. The story was really good, but this is a great example of how creative camera work can make a movie amazing. This movie used what The Matrix did, and took it to another level. The fight scenes were artistic which really had never happened before. If anything, this movie ruined the Martial Arts genre because after this, in order to be cool, you had to do something amazing. Regular fight scenes using Karate became pretty average and boring after this film. If you get the chance, watch this movie again because everything about it was fantastic. 2 other reasons that this movie is in the top 5 is because Ang Lee who directed went to Illinois, and Zhang Ziyi is the hottest Asian woman I have ever seen!!






4) Best In Show
- Hilarious from start to finish, and it was such unconventional comedy. Nothing about the premise of this movie should have been funny, yet the dialogue and acting was so phenomenal that this has to be one of the most underrated comedies of our time. Everybody in this film was amazing, but Fred Willard stole this movie. "How much do you think I can bench press?" is one of the greatest lines in a comedy from the 2000's. Everything he said had to have been ad-libed because there is no way that could have been scripted and delivered that well. What I loved about this movie was that there were so many different story lines, but they all flowed well together. Almost every movie that tries to accomplish this many story lines fails miserably, but Best In Show pulled it off so well. If you are ever bored, just throw on the last 30 minutes of this movie and watch the amazingness that is Fred Willard, or just watch the trailer 15 times. Everything Willard says is priceless! I tried to think of which couple in the movie was my favorite, but that is like trying to decide which beer I would most like to drink...... it all depends on the mood I'm in.





3) High Fidelity
- I almost put High Fidelity at #1 because I have watched this movie probably 1000 times. I love that it takes place in Chicago. The music is fantastic. John Cusack was made for this role, and this was the best movie that Jack Black ever made. To be honest, I thought that this was one of the first acting roles that Black had. I knew that Tenacious D was in Bio-Dome, and I remember him in Enemy of the State, but I had no clue that he started acting in 1991. The only reason that I didn't put it higher was because I hated the girl who played Laura! It's not because she isn't the most attractive woman on the planet, because I thought that the movie was much more believable with a more average looking person playing the love interest. I just didn't think that she was that likable, and so I really didn't want Cusack to get back together with her. I know that the movie revolved around music, but they incorporated the music so well in this film. The music didn't overtake the story which happens a lot when movies have music as the main premise. Another reason that I love this movie is that the dialogue is so clever. Lately when you watch a movie, you only have about 10 seconds of dialogue before there is some sort of action. High Fidelity was basically dialogue and music and both were perfectly done. There isn't a boring moment in this film which is a danger when a movie is dialogue driven.
3 Things came from this movie:

1) "A Cosby Sweater" this line has been used for 9 years now

2) People fell in love with The Beta Band, and started hating Peter Frampton

3) Every guy thought it would be a good idea to track down their ex-girlfriends to find out why they got dumped







High Fidelity (UK Trailer)
by NakedBrotha2007


2) Gladiator
- Not a whole lot to say about Gladiator. It was a great movie from start to finish. The story was amazing, the fight scenes were awesome, and the villain was perfect. The only reason that this is not #1 is because this movie was made using the template already laid down by Braveheart. The movies are basically exactly the same except that they take place in different era's. Either way, the movie was really well done, and it deserves all the credit that it recieved. However, there are 2 things that bothered me about this film.

1) Even though Russell Crowe's character's name was Maximus, I couldn't help but think of Optimus Prime every time I heard his name spoken.

2) The CGI Tigers during the fight scenes were terrible. You can see it during the trailer. Every time I watch the movie, I hate watching that part.





1) Almost Famous

- The only movie that was made during 2000 that was perfect from start to finish. The music was amazing, every actor was perfectly cast, it was dramatic and funny at the same time. When I pictured what it would have been like to be in a rock band during that era, what happened in this movie is exactly how I picture it. 5 Best parts of the movie:


5) When the manager shows the band the shirts that were made

4) Any scene that involves Phillip Seymour Hoffman who by the way has to be one of the top 5 most underrated actors of our generation

3) Anytime Frances McDormand is on the phone, but especially when she is berating Russell Hammond

2) The airplane scene when they all think they are about to die

1) The party when Russell screams "I'm on drugs!!!" another all-time classic line.


The beauty of this movie as is the case in any all-time great movie is that each person has a completely different 5 best parts. Nobody had any clue who Kate Hudson was before this movie, but all it took was this phenomenal performance, and she became a star. If it weren't for her role in Almost Famous, Matthew McConaughey wouldn't have anyone to make shitty shirtless chick flicks with.


Movies that just missed:


Remember the Titans - I love this movie, but because it was a Disney Movie, it was cheesy as hell. I could have done without the dancing onto the field and also to Hero's girl being a complete psychotic in the stands. Petey being a total bitch was also a real big turnoff, everyone who played football got screamed at by their coach, nobody ever walked off the field in the middle of the game.


Road Trip - As a college student at the time, I loved this movie. However watching it now, it really wasn't over the top funny. Seeing Amy Smart naked was a huge plus, but it wasn't classically funny.


Proof of Life - A really good movie, but was missing something. I think it got a little dull while they were trying to find where the husband was and how to get him out. It was still entertaining, but Man on Fire did this premise much better. Russell Crowe should have been a much bigger badass, and they should have delved into why he was such a recluse more.


Legend of Bagger Vance - I love golf movies, but I hated Will Smith in this movie. Had Bagger Vance been played by an older person, then this movie would have been great. I had this argument with my buddy Josh this weekend and said that if Bagger had been played by Morgan Freeman, this movie would have been amazing. He countered by saying that pretty much every role is better when it is played by Freeman. Also, you are told that Junuh is depressed because everyone else in his battalion died in the war, but they didn't delve into it enough. It is hard to really want someone to succeed in movies when you don't completely know why they fail in the first place.


And now for my guilty pleasure movie of 2000:


Bring It On!!

- That's right I said it!! Bring It On is my guilty pleasure movie of 2000. Eliza Dushku is one of my Top 5 favorite actresses of this decade. I could care less that she isn't that good of an actress, I can't take my eyes off of her when she is on TV. Toss in the fact that you have a bunch of hot chicks in cheerleading outfits and bikinis the entire movie, and I am sold. As much as I would like you to believe that I have a sophisticated appreciation of movies (I do by the way), at the end of the day, I could just as well watch a terrible movie as long as hot chicks are wearing skimpy clothing.

This is pretty awesome

I know I have a lot of time on my hands, but these guys take it to a completely different level.




I thought I had posted this before, but it looks like I forgot to.

When did Bubba Sparxx go to Iowa?

This little gem was on Deadspin this morning, and oh baby is this the new hottness!!! We can only hope that Iowa's marching band plays this at halftime of their shitkicking of a bowl game.





Here is my critique.

1) When was the last time somebody used "Patna" in a rap? Maybe this was in homage to Musberger saying "Pardner" all the time?

2) "We get the job done, no need to be fancy" If by job you mean taking the fries out of the deep fryer when the timer starts beeping at McDonald's, then yes you have been getting the job done.

3) I actually paused it when he was fanning out his money, and it looks to be about 500 bucks, so it looks like autotitleloan.com just got a great 1987 Chevy Beretta if you are in the market.

4) It must have been cheaper to film this in Detroit than in Iowa City, kinda like how movies that take place in New York City are actually shot in Montreal.

5) "Head Coach on my block like I'm Kirk Ferentz" I can't mock that line, it was pure genius.

6) "Who said the only thing we got up in this state is corn!" According to this video, you have much more, such as terrible weather, broken down houses, and terrible cameramen who can't keep the floodlight and extension cords out of the shots.

7) I can't even begin to fathom who terrible the pit stains are on that White Tee he is banging.

8) I bet he graduated with a Marketing degree from Iowa.

9) At least there is no traffic in Iowa City

10) The guy points to the ground at least 10 times before the camera man gets it that he wants him to show all the money on the ground. In all seriousness though, do you know how much Meth you can buy with that love?

His name is NOTTI BOY!!! Seriously who are this assholes friends that let him do this and let him call himself that??

Big Ten Breakdown

Now that we are about 1/4 of the way through the college basketball season, it is time to start breaking down Big Ten teams. I refrained from doing this before because their were too many variables to take into consideration. However, now that each team has played not only cupcakes, but also a few difficult games, it is much easier to tell how the Big Ten season will pan out. We will break down every team, except for Indiana because they are garbage, and I will also give you all of the players to watch for. Starting at the top:

1) Purdue

Easily the most balanced team in the Big Ten. Purdue has everything you want in a team. Starting with offense, they have a great scoring guard in E'Twaun Moore. Moore is capable of hitting 3's on the outside, and also penetrating and finishing at the hoop. He is listed at 6-4 which means his is 6-3 on a great day. If he were 2 inches taller he would be a lock for the NBA. Inside you have JaJuan Johnson, who can be an absolute beast when he wants to be, and then you have Robbie Hummel who can play both inside and out. The only thing that is keeping them from being one of the best offensive teams in the nation is the fact that Lewis Jackson is out all year, so they are lacking a true PG who can penetrate when he wants to.
On defense, not only do you have to put up with Chris Kramer constantly mugging you, but you also have to contend with his mom screaming at the top of her lungs only a few rows from the court. All and all Kramer and his mother are the toughest defensive duo to contend with in the Big Ten. Add to all of this a perfect Senior glue guy in Keaton Grant and a solid Freshman class that doesn't need to do anything outstanding for Purdue to win, and you have the best team in the Big Ten. Purdue is a very productive team that guards extremely well, and doesn't make too many mistakes.

2) Michigan State

Even though MSU has 2 losses already, they probably have the most talent at every position in the Big Ten. Don't let the early season losses to UNC and Florida fool you, this is the road map that Tom Izzo has used for over 14 years in East Lansing. He has 5 Final Fours, 1 runner-up and 1 National Championship. In all but one of those seasons, Michigan State lost at least 2 non-Big Ten games.

Last season they lost to Maryland and North Carolina to start the season 4-2.
2004 they lost to Duke and George Washington to start 3-2.
2000 they went undefeated in the non-conference
1999 they lost to Texas and Arizona to start 7-2
1998 they lost to Temple, Duke and UCONN to start 4-3

Izzo plays a brutal non-conference schedule early to break his team down, but the difference between Izzo and other coaches is that he knows how to get his team to learn from their losses. Look for MSU to roll through the rest of their non-conference and then be the toughest team during the Big Ten season, especially at home. Michigan State has a great group of veterans now with Raymar Morgan leading the way as a Senior. The real talent lies with the Junior class though. Kalin Lucas is the best point guard in the Big Ten, and with Chris Allen and Durrell Summers they have the best backcourt in not only the Big Ten, but maybe the nation. If Delvon Roe and Draymond Green play up to their potential in the front court, then MSU will be back in the Final Four.

3) Illinois

I had Ohio State here before Evan Turner broke his back, but now, Illinois gets the nod. Since I wax poetic about Illinois everyday on here, I will keep this short. Illinois has 6 juniors that have played decent minutes for him in the past, and the Freshman guards are playing out of their minds. If they learn how to play defense (which they will) they will be a really good team.

4) Wisconsin

The loss to Green Bay the other night was bad, but that was because of bad scheduling. Whenever you play an in state team on the road and you are the biggest program in that state, you are asking for trouble. That game was Green Bay's national championship. Beyond that, you should never be surprised that Bo Ryan has a good team when he doesn't have as much talent as other teams. Wisconsin always plays phenomenal defense and they have an enormous inside presence. To go along with Jon Leuer and Keaton Nankivil on the inside, you have 3 solid guards on the outside with Hughes, Bohannon, and Taylor. Travon Hughes has the talent to be a First Team All Big-Ten selection. He can not only shoot the ball, but he can handle it also when he needs to. The only problem with Wisconsin this season will be depth, beyond the starting 5 and really the first 7, you have absolutely nobody who has shown that they are dependable.

Wisconsin showed in the Duke game that they can not only force teams to play the way they want to, but with the 3 guards, they can also play up-tempo if need be. On top of that, the Kohl center is probably the hardest place to play in the Big Ten, which is probably a bigger factor than anything in Bo Ryan winning over 20 games a year every damn year. The 3 reasons that I think Wisconsin will finish 4th are:

1) The Kohl center: Last season they only lost 2 Big Ten games at home, which was abnormally high.
2) Travon Hughes and Jason Bohannon: If either of these guys get hot, you can pretty much forget about winning, they both can shoot lights out.
3) Tempo: Last season Wisco only gave up more than 70 points twice during Big Ten play. They will keep every game close.

5) Ohio State

Even with Evan Turner out for at least 2 months, Ohio State is still really talented. Basically now everyone else needs to pick up the slack, but Ohio State can do that. With Evan Turner, OSU is a top 3 team, but without, they still have the talent to be a top 5 team. Here is what needs to happen for the Buckeyes to stay competitive.

1) They need to run an offense: Evan Turner was a rare talent that allowed everyone else to sit around and watch. More importantly, in close games, OSU could just run pick and roll at the top of the key with Turner and anybody. Now that he is out, OSU will need to run a solid offense that gets shots for Buford and Diebler, and also get the ball inside to Lauderdale.

2) They need to live up to their hype: Diebler scored more points than anyone in Ohio high school history, and that includes LeBron James. Bufford was considered a one and done player coming in to college. Somehow Thad Matta of all people has recruited some of the best players in high school to come to OSU, it is about time he did something with them.

3) They need to play some defense: OSU never plays defense, it is a known fact. They have no real home court advantage to speak of, and they are one of the only Big Ten teams that play zone almost exclusively. If they want to weather the storm that they will face early on in the Big Ten, it will have to happen on defense first.

OSU probably will not finish 5th because they will get killed early on in the Big Ten without Turner. 4 of their first 5 Big Ten games are on the road. But if they can somehow come out of that with a 3-2 record, they will be fine by the end of the season.

6) Minnesota

Minnesota is scary deep, but that might not be the best thing. 9 players average over 5 points a game, but only 2 average more than 10. If the fighting Tubby's can be cut down to a solid 8 man rotation, then I think they can be extremely good, however I think based on their depth, nobody has really progressed from last season. Pretty much everyone else on the top of the Big Ten has 3 go to players, but Minnesota really only has one in Lawrence Westbrook. Al Nolen has been doing a decent job at distributing with almost 5 assists a game, but beyond that, nothing stands out at you. This season, Minnesota should have had one of the better front courts in the country. Sampson, Iverson, Johnson and Carter all played a ton of minutes last season, and at least 2 of them should have gotten better, but so far it seems like they digressed. They also added another forward in Rodney Williams who has been starting, yet they still are bad up front.

In their 3 losses, here are the shooting stats of their 5 post players.

Portland: 9-24
Texas A&M: 15-33
Miami: 8-22

In those games, the team only shot above 40% once. There is no way you can win games when your team revolves around your post players, and they are shooting well below 50%. In their best game of the season against #10 Butler, the post players shot 14-22. I am placing Minnesota here because I think Tubby can get this figured out, but if they continue to play like they have been, then Minny is NIT bound.

7) Northwestern

I think this might be the year. The geeks have only lost to #20 Butler and have beaten NC State. They should finish out the non-conference schedule without another loss, as long as they get by Stanford. Bill Carmody actually has athletes on this team. By athletes, I mean by Northwestern standards (these guys didn't play basketball so they had extra-curricular activities on their Ivy league transcripts). I will always contend that Carmody plays a gimmick offense, but it works for the Big Ten because when you don't have the talent to compete playing real basketball, you have to be tricky. The beauty of playing a 4 corners, back cutting Princeton offense is that people only see it once. Everyone else in basketball runs a form of motion, or high-low, so defenses are used to seeing it, but when you only have 3 days to prepare for Carmody's offense, you are bound to give up points. The problem that Northwestern will run into during the Big Ten season is that pretty much every team except for the shitty ones are lead by Juniors, so they have all seen Northwestern's gimmicks before.
As always, depth will end up plaguing this team. They really only go 7 deep, and that won't last during a brutal Big Ten season. It also hurts that pretty much every home game they have ends up being a neutral court game because Northwestern has the worst sports fans in college. This season really hinges on whether or not John Shurna and Michael (Fake Juice) Thompson can continue to get better. I really doubt that they can keep up their play, hence the reason they are not higher. If they had Kevin Coble and Jeremy Nash, then they would absolutely be in the the Top 5-6 of the Big Ten. On the bright side for Northwestern, they aren't the pushover that they used to be in the Big Ten.

8) Michigan

I know a lot of you will think that this is way too low for Michigan, but I am sorry, they are garbage!!! I have argued for 2 years now that John Beilein is a terrible coach, and his offense is bullshit. Last year he proved me right and this year he is doing an even better job. Guess what? On any other team in the Big Ten, Manny Harris and Deshawn Simms could be first round draft picks. What does Evan Turner have that Manny Harris doesn't? What does JuJaun Johnson have that Deshawn Simms doesn't?? The answer is an offense that tries to exploit their talents!!!! I will never understand why Michigan doesn't ever run a pick and roll with these 2? You want proof as to why I think John Beilein's offense is fucking terrible? Look at the 4 losses:

Marquette:
25-55 from the field
3-20 from 3

Alabama:
22-57 from the field
6-25 from 3

Boston College:
21-65 from the field
9-34 from 3

Utah:
17-50
7-22 from 3

In the 4 losses, that is a collective 25-101 from 3 point range!!!! Are you fucking kidding me?? On the season Michigan is shooting 29% from 3, yet they have been allowed to shoot over 205 of them in only 8 games. Imagine what is going to happen when they actually play teams that defend well. You want an even larger indictment on why John Beilien is a terrible coach? Look at DeShawn Simms' numbers in those losses:

Marquette: 3-10 FGs - 0-2 3's
Alabama: 6-14 FGs - 1-4 3's
Boston College: 2-7 FGs - 0-2 3's
Utah: 4-12 FGs - 2-7 3's

Why is a 6-8 235 Ilbs. beast shooting so many 3's? If you are a post player who averages 30% from 3 for your career, you should never shoot them! Yet Beilein lets him shoot 7 in a game? Are you kidding me? If your gameplan revolves around your blind hope that one of the best interior athletes in the Big Ten gets hot from 3 point range, you need to not only be fired, you should not be allowed to coach basketball on any level ever!!!!

The reason that Michigan started the season out ranked in the top 15 was because of the talent, and the reason that they are 4-4 right now is because of the god damn coach. The beauty of Beilein is that he will win games that he has no business winning because his offense has you shooting 300 3's a game, so if you get hot, no team can keep up. You might win 2 games like this, but the problem that you have is that the other 30 games you play, you will shoot average if not worse and lose. Anybody has a shot at beating Michigan based on their offense, hence the reason that they lost to Marquette, Alabama, Boston College and Utah. None of those teams will make the NCAA tournament, and unless Michigan goes 14-4 in the Big Ten, neither will they.

Michigan also has to play Kansas and UConn. I promise you that at least one of these game will be close, but for the love of god don't bet them because Michigan can have a fluke shooting night and cover the spread. Either way, Michigan will finish their non-conference with a 6-6 record, Manny Harris and DeShawn Simms will be gone next year, and Michigan will be fighting Iowa for the worst Big Ten basketball team.

9) Penn State

Penn State begins with Talor Battle. Unfortunately, it also ends with Talor Battle. I promise you that Talor Battle will lead the Big Ten in scoring this year, not because he is the best player, but because every team will let him get his as long as nobody else on the team does anything. Here is the rundown on Penn State:

1) Battle averages 17 points a game, nobody else averages over 10: Battle is the only offensive weapon, however he is shooting less than 40% on the year. He is trying to do everything by himself, which doesn't bode well for him when he gets into a defensive minded conference schedule.

2) They haven't played anybody: So far their best win is at a 4-4 Virginia team. They also have losses to UNC Willmington, Tulane and Temple. The Temple loss probably won't be as bad as it looks now, but their non-conference schedule was by far the easiest of the Big Ten teams and they did not do well.

3) They have no post players: Their 2 main post players are David Jackson and Andrew Jones, and between them, they average 14 points and 10 rebounds a game.

The last 2 seasons, Penn State had a very large inside presence, but that is lacking this season, so teams will play much tighter on the outside, and Talor Battle will see a lot more attention than he has seen in his first 2 years. He will get his points because he will shoot, but post players will have no problem leaving their man to help because their is no major threat to score by their man.

10) Indiana

They are terrible, and people can talk all they want about how young they are, and Creen is recruiting well, but so is MSU, OSU, Illinois, Minnesota, and Wisco is always good, so I don't see them doing anything for a long time. Sure they beat Pitt, but Pitt is not a very good team. They haven't beat anyone, and they will get crushed in the Big East this season. Indiana will lose by 25-30 against Kentucky tomorrow, and I will watch every second of it!! Indiana will not finish above .500 this season and not make the post season for the second straight year. I hope Eric Gordon and your first round flame out was worth it you pretentious pieces of shit!!!!

11) Iowa

They only thing that Iowa has going for them is that they won't be as bad as last seasons Indiana team..... maybe. I really doubt that Iowa wins a Big Ten game this season, although they have a couple of players that could put together 40 good minutes one time this season. If you can, never watch them play because they are just awful.

Durty Thoughts

It isn't weekly like I thought it would be, but here we go again.

- I don't want to hear anymore about Tiger Woods. I don't think I can take it. I was almost sick to my stomach yesterday morning when the reports came out that someone was taken out of his house in an ambulance. These stories are reserved for the likes of Lindsey Lohan, not Tiger. It is sad to see someone who you respect have their life unravel before your very eyes. 2 Things are interesting about this. First does Michael Jordan's career and image turn out the same if he played during an era where the Internet is so prevalent? And second, will there ever be any accountability for a lot of these websites? 90% of the rumors you read on the Internet aren't true, yet does it matter when it seems that no one can be sued for liable? Radar Online reported that Tiger's wife had moved out, another website claimed that Tiger was paying everyone over 7 figures to keep them quiet, and now Tiger has sex with 2 porn stars? And I also don't believe the whole Ambien story. I took an Ambien once to try and win a bet. The bet was to see who could stand the longest, and then who could stay awake the longest. I couldn't stand up after 3 minutes, and I feel asleep in 7. The winners stats were 4 minutes and 9 minutes, but he fell asleep in the closet. You could do an 8-ball and have Megan Fox naked in your bed and an Ambien will still win.

Either way, I didn't like Tiger because I thought he was a great man, I loved Tiger because when he is playing in a Major, I am glued to the TV for 4 days waiting to see a ridiculous charge to destroy the field. It will be interesting to see how this effects his golf game. Also people who think his career is over need to remember Mike Vick and Kobe Bryant. Almost every athlete cheats on his wife. It is horrible to say, but it is pretty much true. Not every athlete has been charged with rape or went to prison for having a dog fighting ring in his backyard.

- I spent 5 minutes trying to figure out whether to use "who" or "whom" in the above paragraph, and I still don't think I did it right. Shouldn't words like this just be removed from the language?
There are only 7 people on the planet now who/whom know how to use this correctly.

- Just watched the new Scrubs. I gotta admit I like not having Carla or Elliot on the show, but I'm not sold on the whole med school story arc. ABC was really smart because they kept the name, but basically gave 3 of the best 5 characters a spin-off. If Dr. Kelso and the Janitor were on the show it would be perfect. Also how pissed is ABC that they cut out the Indian guy last year, and now he is the best part of Parks and Recreation. Here is Aziz on Letterman:




- As some of you know, train etiquette is one of my biggest pet peeves. I have finally found something that I find hilarious when I ride the train, and I'm sure some of you do this. I was standing next to a guy who was listening to his Ipod too loud. The funny part was that he was nodding his head to Kelly Clarkson's "Since you've been gone". It is awesome because people feel that when they have headphones on, they have some privacy. Nope, if you are not careful, everyone within a 5 foot radius of you will find out that you have the same music interest as a 24 year old single white girl.

- The new greatest show on TV is Jersey Shore on MTV. It is amazing!! Take every crazy Real World character, give them a terrible haircut, a Puerto Rican tan, and add 20-50 pounds and you have these nut jobs! Every week I can pretty much promise you that you will see somebody get punched in the face, some slutty girl getting naked in a hot tub, and at least one memorable quote. If you have time to waste on a Sunday afternoon, I suggest that you Tivo this show so you can watch it, you will not be disappointed. Watch it and tell me that "The Situation" will not go down in history as one of the Top 5 reality TV stars, and also one of the Top 5 nicknames in history. No one goes by their real name, its like watching an And 1 mixtape, but they replaced the basketball with competitive drinking and douchebagery. I want to come up with a scoring system for these shows. The stats could be blackouts, times getting punched, times getting slapped, Attempts at cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend who is at home, times cheated, and then of course you will have a completion percentage. Getting blackout drunk then getting into a fight and getting arrested would be a reality show Triple Double. We could be on to something here.

- I'm pretty sure as soon as Jeff Jordan hit a 3 against Vandy last night, I saw Alex Legion walk over to Bruce Weber and tell him that he wants to transfer again. I have tried to think of every scenario possible where Legion could get Jordan's minutes. I will agree that Jeff played well on Tuesday, but I can't stand watching him on the floor, and I really want Alex to produce. Legion needs to drag DJ to the gym as much as possible to work on DJ's ball-handling so that Jordan doesn't have to be on the floor when Demitri sits. I was told that when Demitri was on the floor against Clemson, Illinois was +24, when Jordan was running the point, Illinois was -27. Not sure about those numbers, so maybe I will watch that game for a 7th time to get my own +/-.

- I don't think I will ever stop screaming "NO!!!!!!!" every time Keller jacks a 3, even though he usually buries it. After watching him nail 3's for 40 games now, I still doubt that their is one Illinois fan who feels comfortable when Keller shoots. His jump shot is like an unfolded lawn chair. That was for you Josh.

- In the last 4 months, I have watched "The Proposal", and "Definetly, Maybe", and I have come to the conclusion that I can watch any movie that Ryan Reynolds is in. Was either movie great? Not at all, but this is a great way to watch a chick flick with your significant other, and still get some enjoyment out of it. As long as Ryan makes one of these movies a year, you can buy yourself one amazing guys night out by suggesting a date night with your lady and seeing one of his movies. They will be so grateful that you want to take them to see a Sandra Bullock movie, they will look the other way when you stumble home drunk at 5:30 in the morning after spending all of your money at a "ballet" school.

- Why is there the unwritten rule that you have to be impartial on press row? Is it because the tickets are free? If you cover a team, and are also a fan, why does it matter that you are cheering for them? There are 2 types of writers that are good when it comes to sports; the ones that just give you the facts, and the ones that are passionate about the team they are writing about. Both are necessacry now in sports reporting, so why do the passionate ones have to adhere to the rules of the objective ones?

- I feel like the Orange Krush needs to have a coach. They need someone to show them old film of how the Krush was during the late 90's through the Final Four season. Now, it seems like all they do is bounce up and down during a few defensive possesions, and put their arms up when the offense shoots a 3. Krush members need to leave games exhausted. I want to see an amazing showing when ESPN Gameday comes to Champaign for the Michigan State game. Also if they don't boo the shit out of Digger Phelps, I will disown them, plain and simple. The Orange Krush needs to spend their Christmas break coming up with clever signs to hold up behind Digger and Hubert Davis that bash the shit out of them.

Weekly Pick'em

Alright, this is the last regular season pick'em. Hopefully we will set up another Yahoo! Pick'em league for the Bowl Games. Anyways, as the college football season comes to a close, it seems as though not much has happened. At first I was kind of disappointed at the lack of drama this season, but then as I looked back on it, this was actually a very entertaining season. Here are some of the biggest stories of the season according to me:

1) LeGarrett Blount knocking out a douchebag from Boise State.
2) The Charlie Weis Enormously Large Hot Seat
3) How the NCAA is going to handle at least 3 undefeated teams at the end of the year.
4) Bobby Bowden Retiring
5) Iowa fans getting excited about an average football team
6) Michigan fans getting excited about a dogshit football team.
7) USC underachieving yet again
8) The horrible Death of UConn's Jasper Howard and the team during the aftermath.
9) Everyone giving the Heisman to Tebow or McCoy even though 3 other people deserve it.
10) Sam Bradford and Oklahoma getting "Tom Brady'd"

I'm sure I am missing at least 100 other things that made this season pretty exceptional to watch. Realistically, when Illinois is garbage like they were this season, I usually tune out most of the rest of the college football landscape, but this year I couldn't do it. Really fun year, and the Bowls should be great to watch. With that in mind, here is Durty Butter's Championship week Pick'em.

Illinois -3 at home against Fresno State

Since it is the last game for the Illini this season, I had to pick them. I love Juice Williams and Arrelious Benn, and it will be pretty sad to see them for the last time together on the field. As disappointed as most of you are with the way the team performed this year, make no mistake about how much both of these guys did to change the attitude of Illinois football. Even when Ron Turner was winning games, no one really gave a shit like they do now. While most people are going to remember the last 2 seasons in the short term, don't forget that Juice and Benn led us to our first victory over a #1 ranked team in 50 years, our first Rose Bowl in over 20 years, and back to back wins over Michigan for the first time in god knows how long. For all the bad, there was a whole hell of a lot of good, and it will be a sad day for Illinois sports when they walk off of the field on Saturday.
On Senior Day, you can usually throw out all of the bullshit that has happened during the year. Plain and simple, Illinois has more talent than Fresno State, and on Saturday, they actually have something to play for. You are going to see the offense step up, and hopefully you will see an inspired defense. I hope!

Pittsburgh +2 against Cincinnati

As much as I liked Cincinnati's offense last week, their defense was very average. Pitt has a better defense than Illinois does, so maybe they could actually stop Tony Pike a few times. Also I think that the Notre Dame rumors are going to be a bit of a distraction. Also I like the story of Cincinnati being undefeated coming into this game, everyone talking about how they want a playoff instead of the BCS, and then Cincinnati shits the bed and doesn't even make a BCS game. Usually the college football landscape seems to work its way out by the end of the season, and it most likely will this season too. Texas and Florida will be undefeated and play in the Championship game. TCU and Boise State will go undefeated, but it won't matter because people will still be able to say that neither of them play anyone good all season. The debate will rage on whether or not their should be a playoff, and trust me, their never will be. Teams, Conferences, and the NCAA make way too much money in the current system. Why change a system that makes you a ass load of money, especially when their is no imminent danger of that money going away? Are sponsors and football fans going to be so upset that Boise State can't play in a National Championship that they are going to boycott college football until there is a change? Hell no!! Even if people started doing this, do you realize how many people would have to give up on college football for it to even make a dent? It is impossible.

Florida -5.5 against Alabama

I know someone who is going to be really pissed about this pick, but Florida is just a better team. Alabama revolves around 3 people on offense. The QB, RB and 1 WR. Take any of them away, and Alabama becomes very, very average on offense. Florida has 38 running backs, and it seems like even their offensive lineman could play wide out if necessary. If Alabama can keep Florida's offense in check then they have a shot, but the offense looked good last week. The world wants to see Tebow vs. McCoy in the National Championship game, and it will happen.

Nebraska +14.5 against Texas

This game is too big to have such a large spread. Do I think Nebraska will win? Shit no! But they will put up a decent fight to try and stop Texas from getting to the National Championship game. Nebraska is not a great offensive team, but they do have a really good defense. Texas is not the Texas that they have been in the past 2 seasons. Colt McCoy is going to try to put up huge numbers to seal the Heisman, but really it is already sealed up. Nobody wants to give Tebow the Heisman again because he had a very average year compared to his last 2. They aren't going to give it to a running back, because football has become a pass happy sport, so the only way you are going to beat a QB is to put up Playstation numbers. McCoy would have to throw at least 4 picks, fumble once and shoot a puppy at midfield to lose the Heisman. Write it down.

New Mexico State +47.5 @ Boise State

New Mexico State is bad, make no mistake. I am making this pick for 2 reasons. First Pac-Man picked NMSU to cover a 44.5 point spread against Ohio State. The final was 45-0, absolutely brutal loss in an absolutely meaningless game. Second a lot of my friends live in Boise, and they can't stand all of this Bronco shit, or as we used to say in football camp there: "Fuck this blue turf bullshit!" I've always hated Boise State, and I always will. Anyways, there is no chance that they can jump 4 teams to get in the National Championship, so they will probably take their foot off of the pedal late in the game. Coach Peterson seems like a decent guy, and honestly, BSU could have blown a lot of the teams that they played out worse than they had. BSU hasn't beaten anyone by 48 points this year, and I doubt they start now, plus it is fun as hell to pick an enormous line and watch the points add up.

Well that is it, we will be back with a Bowl Pick'em, and an Illini recap on the season.